Most teachers talk to difficult students too much, because somewhere along the line they’ve gotten the idea that the more attention they give them, the better teacher they’ll be.

So they pull them aside for pep-talks, reminders, and lectures. They warn. They scold. They threaten. They flatter and debate. They micromanage and manipulate.

They spend more time addressing them, conferencing with them, and trying to persuade them to behave than the rest of their class put together.

And for the most part, it’s a waste of time.

This doesn’t mean that talking with difficult students can’t have a positive effect. When done in a certain way, and in the right moments, it most definitely can.

Here’s how.

Make it infrequent.

Difficult students have been on the receiving end of near-constant talking-tos for as long as they’ve been in school. So when they see you coming, with that same familiar look on your face, they roll their eyes. They’ve heard it all. To get them to see themselves as capable of following rules like anyone else, you shouldn’t touch base with them more than anyone else.

Make it honest.

In a desperate attempt to improve behavior, many teachers will say just about anything to difficult students—regardless of its truthfulness. But trying to coerce students into behaving, particularly while being less than brutally honest, doesn’t work. Neither does false praise, bribing, or any other form of manipulation. The most effective way to talk to difficult students is to give it to them straight.

Make it meaningful.

The only reason to talk to difficult students about their behavior is to inform or to deepen the meaning of a lesson already learned. Never ask them why they did this or that. Never force assurances or explanations. Never give them a dressing-down. Let their mistakes and subsequent accountability, or their successes and subsequent good feelings, be the lesson. Don’t ruin it, absolve it, or weaken it with your overinvolvment.

Make it a challenge.

When a difficult student misbehaves, let your classroom management plan do your talking for you. However, if the right moment strikes, and you know a word or two can provide additional strength and meaning to the lesson, then make it an encouraging challenge. For example, you might cruise by their desk or time-out chair and say simply, “You’re better than this” or “I still believe in you.”

Make it wordless.

When a difficult student does something well or has a particularly good day, it’s often best not to say anything at all—which is a startling change when compared to most of his or her former teachers (who’d all but throw a parade). By simply not making a big deal out of them doing what they’re supposed to do, what they’re expected to do, you send a powerful, behavior-altering message.

Make it a gesture.

If the student has had several good days, or you’re convinced they’ve made real improvement, and not just a brief period of acceptable behavior, then a simple gesture like a fist bump or a knowing smile can be most impactful. It can deepen the meaning of a positive lesson already learned. And unlike silly, over-the-top celebrations for moderate improvement, the student’s heart will soar—internally, privately, and resoundingly.

Make it free of strings.

Most teachers only talk to difficult students when they want something from them (i.e., improved behavior), which effectively poisons the relationship. To influence their behavior you have to build mutual, trusting rapport—which only comes with no strings attached. Decide to like and enjoy your most difficult students, no matter how unlikeable they can be, so that when you do talk to them about behavior, what you say will pack a punch.

Let Them Stand…

Teachers spend so much time and attention on difficult students because it makes them feel like they’re doing something, anything, to help improve their behavior. They figure that if they work hard enough on the problem, if they can just somehow come up with the right words to say, they’ll be able to turn them around.

But the more attention you give to difficult students, the less attention they’ll pay to what you say and the harder it will be to improve their behavior.

So instead of telling them how they should feel, what they should think, and what lessons they should be learning, give them a chance to feel the weight of their mistakes and the inner joy of their successes.

Let them stand on their own two feet.

Then, and only then, will the wellspring of change come bubbling up from the only place it truly can…

From within.

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- Smart Classroom Management - Copyright 2009-2011, All Rights Reserved.

Five of the most frequently recommended strategies for dealing with difficult students can actually cause an increase or a worsening of misbehavior.

Which begs the question: If they cause behavior to get worse, then why are they recommended?

Well, for a few reasons.

• They’re easy to explain.
• They’ve been around so long people assume they work.
• They make sense. In other words, they seem like they should work.
• They offer tantalizing hope for teachers at the end of their rope.

And the frustrating, almost cruel, thing is, even with the most challenging students, a few of the five strategies do result in almost instantaneous improvement. Yes, I think this is going to work! I think I found the answer!

But alas, the improvement disappears nearly as soon as it arrives—lasting for a day or two, perhaps a week.

And after that, all bets are off—which is why the familiar strategies listed below are cycled over and over again with the same students, year after tired year.

So let’s set the record straight. Let’s ruffle some feathers. Let’s throw these ineffective, pull-the-rug-out-from-under-you ways of dealing with difficult students on the scrap heap.

But be forewarned.

They are among the first strategies many of your colleagues will enthusiastically recommend to you, rolling off their tongue like they’ve recommended them a thousand times before.

1. Behavior Contracts

Behavior contracts are perhaps the most favored strategies for dealing with difficult students because you’re guaranteed to see immediate and often stunning improvement—which can feel great, exciting, the answer to your prayers.

However, that improvement will be short-lived. Any strategy that involves a “do this and get that” scenario weakens over time and does nothing to spark intrinsic motivation—which is the one ingredient necessary for real, lasting improvement.

Behavior contracts also label students, providing a daily reminder that their teacher doesn’t believe they’re capable of controlling themselves like a regular member of the class.

2. Ignoring

Anyone who has ever tried this one knows it doesn’t work with difficult students. It might sound good in theory, and you’ll find no shortage of people lining up to recommend it to you, but in a working classroom ignoring difficult students usually ends in disaster.

Most of the time the student being ignored will respond by ratcheting up his or her attention-getting behavior, at times going so far as to sing, yell, or even laugh while you’re trying to teach.

When a student misbehaves, no matter who it is, you have an obligation to address it as soon as you’re able using your previously agreed-upon classroom management plan—the same one used for every student in your class.

3. Recess Time-Out

If your school has a recess time-out or detention area, then chances are it’s poorly supervised by someone other than the teacher of those particular students. And therein lies the problem.

Recess time-out only works if you, as the classroom teacher, are the one doing the supervising. Otherwise, it’s a weak consequence, sitting there with a whole band of troublemakers from all over the school. For most students, it’s little more than a nuisance.

If you don’t show your students, prove to your students, that you care enough to supervise them during recess time-out—preferably in your own classroom—then the consequence won’t have any meaning to the student.

4. Permanent Time-Out

It’s not uncommon to see difficult students seated in peculiar areas of the classroom—in the corner, up against the front wall, pushed against the teacher’s desk.

I call this permanent time-out, and it’s another form of labeling. It communicates to difficult students that the teacher has given up on them. It says, in effect, “I don’t believe in you or your capacity to change, so we’re going to keep you forever separated, regardless of how you behave.”

Permanent time-out merely reinforces in the student’s mind that he or she is a behavior problem. It becomes part of who they are, like their eye color or where they were born.

5. Special Rewards And Praise

This strategy is typically used in conjunction with ignoring. In an effort to build self-esteem, difficult students are showered with rewards and praise whenever they behave in a way that is a common classroom expectation.

The idea is that if you “catch them doing something good” or doing what they’re supposed to, and praise them heartily for it, then they’ll feel good about themselves and their behavior will improve.

And yes, there can be immediate, on-the-spot improvement. But over the long haul what it does is tell difficult students that they’re not good enough to be treated like everybody else. Furthermore, excessive awards and praise carry with them a whiff of condescension. You can almost see the embarrassment in students’ eyes when they know, deep down, it’s not real.

Note: This is true for difficult students in regular education classrooms. For more info on this topic, see the article, Why You Shouldn’t Reward Students For Good Behavior.

The Same Plan For Every Student

Most difficult students are able to make lasting changes in behavior when they’re subject to the same solid classroom management plan as everybody else.

They’ve been made to feel somehow different for so many of their school years that when they meet a teacher who really believes in them, who places them on equal footing with everybody else, they blossom.

A Radio Interview With Smart Classroom Management

I was interviewed yesterday by Nicole Eredics and Terri Mauro of Special Needs Talk Radio. It’s available as a free download at iTunes. Just click here and then scroll to The Inclusive Classroom 1/6/12.

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- Smart Classroom Management - Copyright 2009-2011, All Rights Reserved.

It starts with a perceived injustice then builds quickly from there. Vibrating deep within the body, anger rises to the surface, turning down mouth corners, narrowing eyes, and flushing the skin.

Pouting and stewing over the “unfairness,” the student loses the inner battle for control and loosens a torrent of outrage, tumbling from the mouth and quaking through the body.

“That’s not fair!!!”

Fists slam on desks. Papers are thrown. Tears are shed. And it happens right in the middle of your classroom.

Although more common in primary grades, lapses in emotional control seem to be happening more and more with upper elementary and middle school students.

Such behavior is grossly immature—of course, for any school-age student—and not worth getting worked up over. But it can also be dangerous. And if handled poorly, you can make the situation worse or cause it to repeat itself over and over again.

Follow the steps below to take fast control of explosive situations and lessen the chances of them happening again.

1. Protect

Your number one responsibility is the safety of your students. So as soon as you notice a student losing control, shift your focus to the rest of your class. Ask them to stay clear of the ill-tempered student. Situations like this underscore how important it is that your students respect you, trust you, and follow your directions as soon as you ask.

Note: If ever you sense an incident escalating beyond your control, call for help immediately—an administrator, campus police, or teacher next door.

2. Wait

Resist the urge to rush in and try to calm the student. For at least the next several minutes, jumping in to try to fix things could put you and your class at risk and incite more aggressive behavior. Unless you absolutely have to step in to protect one or more of your students, keep your distance.

3. Observe

Continue waiting while keeping an eye on both the student in question and the rest of your class. Don’t say anything to the student. Simply observe until the student calms down and returns to his (or her) seat. As the student begins to settle down, it’s okay to say to him calmly, “Have a seat and we’ll talk about it later.”

4. Continue

It’s important to return your classroom to normalcy as soon as possible. Continue with your lesson or activity as if nothing happened. If the student doesn’t choose to participate, so be it. Let him marinate in his own decisions for a while.

5. Stay Clear

Stay clear of the student for at least a couple hours. If the tantrum happened at the end of the day, let the student leave and deal with it in the morning. Only when the student is behaving normally and the incident is forgotten should you approach.

6. Enforce

Although it’s important to follow your classroom management plan, there are times when you must change the script. For potentially dangerous situations, you reserve the right to jump past the warning and time-out steps and go directly to an extended time-out. A half day is reasonable.

7. Inform

For serious behavior issues parents must be notified. Because an emotional outburst is difficult to communicate in a form letter, it’s best to call home—not to discuss the incident, but to inform. Just give the facts. Tell the parent what happened and what you’re doing about it. How they handle it at home isn’t your concern.

Accountability Works Best

The prevailing wisdom says that a student who has a temper tantrum should talk things out with the teacher or other trusted adult—why he acted the way he did, what he could have done differently, etc.

Too often, though, talking it out has the effect of absolving the student of responsibility. It gives credence to the perceived injustice. It justifies his selfish behavior. It shifts the burden of responsibility away from the student and places it with either the source of his anger, with outside circumstances, or with his inability to control himself.

The problem, though, is rarely a lack of emotional control. The problem is that the adults in his life have a hard time saying no to him. They indulge him. They appease him. They cave in to his demands, arguments, and histrionics.

He throws temper tantrums because they work.

To ensure it doesn’t happen on your watch, to do what is best for the student and his future, don’t let him off the hook. Don’t give him stickers when he handles himself the right way.

Don’t talk it out.

Instead, hold him accountable for his behavior. Allow him to feel the gravity of his actions. Send the message that we can’t always get what we want; that in order to learn, to grow, to mature, to become better and more successful people, we have to behave with grace in the face of disappointment.

Most children who lose emotional control have been subject to too much talk.

And not enough action.

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- Smart Classroom Management - Copyright 2009-2011, All Rights Reserved.

Has this ever happened to you?

You’re chatting with a fellow teacher and out of the corner of your eye you notice one of your students rapidly approaching.

But instead of waiting for you to end your conversation, the student enters into your personal space and blurts out a question.

You’re likely taken aback by such behavior. Perhaps you get angry with the student or maybe even a little embarrassed in front of your colleague.

But here’s the thing.

If your students feel comfortable enough to interrupt you while you’re having an adult conversation, then chances are you’re being interrupted in your classroom as well.

Maybe your students leave their seats and approach you without permission. Maybe they call out in class without raising their hand. Maybe your lessons are too often a frustrating cycle of fits and starts.

Whatever the situation, interruptions are both a cause and a symptom of poor classroom management. And learning suffers greatly because of it.

Some teachers may tell you that interruptions and other similar impolite behaviors are societal or generational problems of which they can do little about.

Not true.

You can most definitely do something about it, and while you’re at it increase the learning in your classroom tenfold.

Here’s how:

Be specific.

It may sound strange, but it’s important to define for your students what interrupting is—because, believe it or not, more than a few won’t know. Give examples using the specific interrupting behaviors you’re seeing in your classroom.

Explain why.

Simply and directly explain why it’s wrong to interrupt, why it’s disruptive to learning, and why it isn’t allowed in your classroom. Knowing the why of your expectations will always result in better buy-in from students.

Role-play interrupting behaviors.

Sit in a student’s chair and play the part of an interrupting student. Choose a student volunteer to play you teaching a lesson. Run through a few scenarios, showing the absurdity of interrupting, calling out, and approaching the teacher without permission.

Note: If your students are laughing, then you know you’re doing it right.

Model what to do instead.

Now show your students the required alternatives to interrupting. Show them the ease of raising one’s hand, the politeness of waiting patiently for you, and how much more peaceful and conducive to learning it is without interruptions.

Reward those who do it right.

No, you’re not going to give out prizes to students who don’t interrupt. What you will do, however, is respond quickly to those who raise their hand and wait to be called on.

Note: This sends a clear message to students that raising your hand and waiting patiently is the fastest way to get noticed.

Don’t respond to those who interrupt.

If a student interrupts, calls out, or stands in front of you repeating your name, don’t respond. Because for every time you do you create an avalanche of more of the same behavior.

Enforce a consequence.

Instead of responding to interruptions, or even reminding students to raise their hand, look them in the eye and say, “You have a warning” or whatever consequence your classroom management plan calls for.

Interrupting Is Unfair

Interrupting is like cutting in line; it isn’t fair. Yet many teachers encourage such impolite and disruptive behavior by answering and responding to interruptions—which is the same as giving your stamp of approval.

This leaves the quiet, the shy, and the polite on the sidelines, while opening the floodgates to everyone else.

You often hear the complaint, “My students are so needy. They just crave my attention.”

No, they don’t.

What they crave and what they need is a way to ask a question or voice a concern without having to fight, scratch, or compete with their classmates.

So give them that way. Follow the guidelines above and give all your students equal access to you, and by extension, equal access to their education.

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- Smart Classroom Management - Copyright 2009-2011, All Rights Reserved.

If you’re like most teachers, two or three students take up most of your time.

On the days when they’re absent, or pulled from your class, everything goes smoothly. Teaching is more fun. You’re more relaxed. And you can cruise through your lessons without interruption.

Hooray!

But when they’re sitting in class, which seems like all the time, they can make you want to pull your hair out.

Unfortunately, the frustrations you feel dealing with difficult students can cause you to make mistakes.

The following is a list of 7 rules–all don’ts–that will help you avoid the most common pitfalls, and turn your most difficult students into valued members of your classroom.

Rule #1: Don’t question.

It’s normal for teachers to force explanations from difficult students as a form of accountability. But asking why and demanding a response from them almost always ends in resentment. And angry students who dislike their teacher never improve their classroom behavior.

Rule #2: Don’t argue.

When you argue with difficult students, it puts them on equal footing with you, creating a “your word against theirs” situation. This negates the effects of accountability. It also opens the floodgates: everybody will be arguing with you.

Rule #3: Don’t lecture, scold, or yell.

Lecturing, scolding, and yelling will cause all students to dislike you, but when you direct your diatribe toward one particular student, it can be especially damaging. Creating friction between you and your most challenging students virtually guarantees that their behavior will worsen.

Rule #4: Don’t give false praise.

Teachers often shower difficult students with praise for doing what is minimally expected. But because these students can look around at their fellow classmates and know that it’s a sham, false praise doesn’t work. Instead, give only meaningful, heartfelt praise based on true accomplishment.

Rule #5: Don’t hold a grudge.

“Every day is a new day” should be your mantra with difficult students. They need to know that they have a clean slate to start each day–and so do you. To that end, say hello, smile, and let them know you’re happy to see them first thing every morning.

Rule #6: Don’t lose your cool.

When you let students get under your skin and you lose emotional control, even if it’s just a sigh and an eye roll, you become less effective. Your likeability drops. Classroom tension rises. And when difficult students discover they can push your buttons, they’ll try as often as they can.

Rule #7: Don’t ignore misbehavior.

Given that there is an audience of other students, ignoring misbehavior will not make it go away. It will only make it worse. Instead, follow your classroom management plan as it’s written. If a difficult student breaks a rule, no matter how trivial, enforce it immediately.

It’s About Relationships

What if the two or three (or more) difficult students in your classroom admired you? What if they looked up to you, respected you, trusted you, and liked being in your company?

What if they embraced whatever you had to say to them?

Your success in helping them change their behavior would go through the roof, and you’d have peace in your classroom. The fact is, everything hinges on your ability to build relationships with your students.

Your classroom management plan merely nudges them in the right direction. Done correctly, it gets students to look inward, to self-evaluate, and to feel the weight of their transgressions. But by itself, it can only do so much.

It’s your relationship with your students that makes the greatest difference.

When you build trusting rapport with them, which anyone can do, you then possess a tidal wave of influence that can change their behavior, improve their academic performance, and profoundly impact their lives.

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- Smart Classroom Management - Copyright 2009-2011, All Rights Reserved.

With over 25,000 page views, How To Handle Disrespectful Students is one of the most popular articles on this website—and for good reason.

A disrespectful student can get under a teacher’s skin like almost nothing else.

When confronted with disrespect, it’s easy to take it personally. This is a normal reaction from a passionate teacher.

But it’s a colossal mistake.

Because when you take behavior personally, you’re likely to react in ways that make managing that student’s behavior much more difficult.

Your leverage and influence will then plummet right along with his or her behavior.

But if you can refrain from doing what comes naturally, then you can hold the disrespectful student accountable and still retain your ability to influence future behavior.

Here’s how:

Lose the battle.

When a student is disrespectful to you, you have to be willing to lose the battle. In other words, you must resist the urge to admonish, scold, lecture, get even, or otherwise attempt to put the student in their place.

Don’t take it personally.

Disrespect comes from a place inside the student that has nothing to do with you. So don’t take it personally. Your job is to help the student see the error of his or her ways so that it doesn’t happen again.

Stay calm.

Take a deep breath to quell any angry feelings rising up inside you. Remind yourself that you’ll be much more effective, and the situation will go much smoother, if you maintain emotional control.

Pause.

In the immediate moments following the incident, don’t say a word. Simply maintain eye contact with the student and wait. Let their words hang in the air for several seconds, leaving no doubt about what was said, how it was said, and who is responsible for saying it.

End it.

It’s important not to escalate the situation, but to end it as quickly as possible. Your pause and unwillingness to react is unnerving and will leave the student devoid of anything to say. As soon as you break eye contact and walk away, the incident is over.

Move on.

Refrain from enforcing a consequence—for now. Just continue on with whatever you were doing. Leave the student standing there, unsure of what to do. It’s always best to get back to normalcy as quickly as possible for the sake of the rest of your students.

Do nothing.

Proceed with your day as if nothing happened. Don’t approach the student. Don’t try to talk to him or her about what happened. Don’t do anything until you’re confident that the student has mentally moved on from the situation.

Enforce.

As soon as the student is calm and the incident is forgotten, approach and deliver your consequence. I recommend bypassing the warning step of your classroom management plan and sending the student directly to time-out. Say simply, “You broke rule number four. Grab your work and go to time-out.”

Notify.

For overt disrespect, the parents should be notified. A letter home is most effective. It also adds a layer of accountability that lasts beyond the day of the incident. Near the end of the school day, hand the student your letter and walk away–without adding a lecture. Let accountability speak for you.

Note: For more information on this topic, including a sample letter home, see the article, Why A Letter Home Is An Effective Consequence.

Let remorse set in.

When you handle disrespect this way, without lecturing or scolding or taking it personally, even the most obstinate student will be affected by his or her mistake. So much so that you’re likely to get a sincere and unforced apology.

A Lesson Learned

By following these steps, you can turn a student’s disrespect into a memorable lesson. The steps work because they heap the entire burden of responsibility on the student’s shoulders, with none of it clinging to you.

He or she can’t blame you or be resentful of you—thus undermining the lesson—because you didn’t try to get even. You didn’t have to win the battle. You didn’t yell, threaten, scold, or lower yourself to the same level of disrespect.

You kept your cool and allowed accountability to work, which is the right thing to do for both you and the student.

Thanks for reading.

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- Smart Classroom Management - Copyright 2009-2011, All Rights Reserved.

The fundamental purpose of classroom management is to spend more time on academics and less time on behavior.

The quicker your can handle misbehavior and move on, the better.

This is one reason why it’s best to rely on your classroom management plan. If a student breaks a rule, you enforce a consequence. It’s as simple as that. A few seconds later and you’re back leading your classroom.

But what happens if you don’t see the misbehavior? What if you find out about it after the fact? What if Brian tells you that Karla shoved him in the back on the way out to recess? You can’t just take Brian’s word for it.

You have to get to the truth.

Getting to the truth, though, can be difficult. Backed into a corner, confronted with a report of misbehavior, students are often untruthful.

And so while your class is waiting for you, you’re wasting learning time trying to untangle a web of half-truths, outright lies, and selfish viewpoints.

What’s a busy teacher to do?

The Why Strategy

The why strategy is a way to cut through the deception and get to the truth quickly, so you can get on with the business of teaching. The strategy is similar to how a magician might use misdirection, sleight of hand, and other forms of trickery to fool an audience.

Only, you will use the element of surprise, one false assumption, and a simple questioning technique to shine a light on the truth.

Here’s how it works:

1. The secret.

As much as possible, keep the information you learn from the accuser (Brian) between the two of you. It’s best if the accused (Karla) isn’t aware you know anything about the reported incident. This is why it’s best to encourage your students to speak to you privately when they have a problem with another student.

2. The set-up.

Allow some time to pass before confronting the accused student—at least 30 minutes. If Karla thinks the incident has been forgotten and she got away with something, then all the better. Let her calm down and turn her attention to other things. This wait time sets up the next series of steps.

3. The surprise.

The why strategy works best when the accused student is unaware of why you want to speak to him/her. It should be a surprise. Therefore, sidle up to the student in line while you’re walking to lunch or call the student up to your desk ostensibly for another matter—like homework or a writing assignment.

4. The false assumption.

When you speak to the accused student, behave as if you already know the facts of the incident. Be calm and matter-of-fact, not accusatory. You want the student to assume, by your demeanor, body language, and the question you’ll ask in the next step, that you already know what happened.

5. The question.

Most teachers will ask a did you question. As in, “Karla, did you push Brian?” But dishonest students are conditioned to lie as soon as the words “did you” begin tumbling out of your mouth. They’re prepared for it.

You, however, are going to ask a why question—which they’re unprepared for. “Hey Karla, why did you push Brian on the way out to recess?” Your tone of voice should communicate curiosity. Karla’s first thought should be, “Oh no, my teacher knows.”

6. The reveal.

How the accused student reacts to your question should tell you everything you need to know. If the student doesn’t come right out and admit their misbehavior, you’ll have to use your teacherly powers to discern the truth.

But the signs of dishonesty will be glaring, and the denial will sound utterly absurd—to both of you. In fact, it can be quite awkward. In one or two seconds, you will know the truth.

If the student denies it, but is telling the truth, he or she will respond immediately and unflinchingly. Most often with a slightly confused and surprised, “I didn’t push Brian.”

15-Second Truth Detector

Though it’s not the only way to get to the truth, the why strategy is often the best and quickest way. It can turn a potentially frustrating, stressful, and lengthy situation into a 15-second conversation.

And don’t worry if you’re unable to follow every step perfectly. Just remember to ask a why question instead of a did you question, and you’ll get to the truth soon enough.

Note: If you personally witness misbehavior, it’s best not to ask a why question.

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- Smart Classroom Management - Copyright 2009-2011, All Rights Reserved.

There is a reason students tattle.

But it has nothing to do with them. They are not the problem. They’re merely doing what they feel like they must do.

The problem is with you, their teacher.

Have you ever noticed that when students tattle they usually do so in person? They’ll approach you, often at the most inconvenient time, and stand directly in front of you to get your attention.

This is classic tattling behavior.

They do this because it’s the best way they know how to communicate that what they are about to tell you is important.

And then, at the risk of being labeled a “tattletale,” they speak up for themselves. They do the right thing. They exercise restraint. They look to you to handle a problem they can’t handle themselves (without engaging in their own misbehavior).

It takes courage to tattle.

And yet, for many teachers it’s a nuisance. They’ll shoo the tattling student away and think to themselves, “The nerve of that kid!”

The Real Reason Students Tattle

Tattling is the result of teachers not fulfilling their most important responsibility: to protect every student’s right to learn and enjoy school without interference.

In other words, students tell on classmates when (a) you don’t have a classroom management plan that works, or (b) you’re not following your plan as it’s written.

It’s common for teachers to discourage tattling, going so far as saying, “There is no tattling allowed in this classroom!”

Which begs the question:

If the teacher isn’t protecting students from misbehaving classmates, and tattling isn’t allowed, then what is a student to do when another student infringes upon their right to learn and enjoy school?

The last thing we want is for students to take matters into their own hands or to have to endure being pestered, bothered, or bullied. But for too many students, these are their only options.

So what’s the solution?

Follow these five steps to protect your students and reduce tattling to almost zero:

1. Reevaluate your classroom management plan.

Take a close look at your plan. Your rules must cover every behavior that interferes with learning and enjoying school. If they don’t, then scrap your plan and create one that does.

2. Follow your plan as it’s written.

Your classroom management plan isn’t worth the poster it’s printed on if you don’t follow it. For every rule that is broken, enforce a consequence without a second thought. This simple step removes 90% of tattling.

3. Encourage tattling.

Frequently remind your class that it’s your job to protect their right to learn and enjoy school. If anyone interferes with that right, you want to know about it. Ask them to slip you a note or give you a prearranged signal so you can talk to them about it privately at a later time.

4. Don’t call it tattling.

We all want to develop confident students who aren’t afraid to speak up for themselves and others. But tattling has a negative connotation. It discourages students from coming to you with a legitimate problem for fear they’ll be made fun or marginalized for it.

5. Take advantage of your loophole.

Your classroom management plan should include a loophole for certain behavior. Interfering with another student’s right to learn and enjoy school calls for a swift response and an immediate escalation of consequences. Skip the warning and separate the offending student from the rest of the class at first chance.

Embrace Tattling

In most circumstances, teachers should be slow to step in and help solve problems for students—both academic and social. Students grow mature and resourceful by working things out themselves.

But when a student comes to you because a classmate is interfering with their school experience, they are solving it themselves by asking you to do something they can’t do. And you should step in immediately.

To remove the stigma of tattling, tell your students that they don’t have a choice. If someone is bothering them, bullying them, or otherwise interfering with learning, they have an obligation to tell you. You must know. It’s your job to know.

Embrace it. Encourage it.

Just don’t call it tattling.

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- Smart Classroom Management - Copyright 2009-2011, All Rights Reserved.

Do you hide the truth from difficult students?

Do you give them false praise?

In the name of encouragement, most teachers do.

But if you want lasting improvement in their behavior, then you have to be brutally honest with them.

Difficult students don’t benefit from being coddled or having smoke blown in their ears.

Yet, few teachers actually tell it like it is.

Example:

David has been a behavior problem all year for Ms. Smith, but today he’s better. He hasn’t bothered his tablemates as much, he’s been relatively quiet, and he hasn’t been sent to time-out.

Just before lunch Ms. Smith pulls David aside, drapes her arm over his shoulders, and says, “Hey David, great job today! Way to go, buddy! Keep up the good work!”

Huh? Say what?

Was David really doing a great job? Do you think Ms. Smith would describe David’s behavior to a colleague as being “good work?” Of course not—not when measured by a standard of behavior that is required for success in school.

False Praise Is A Bad Classroom Management Strategy

Encouraging difficult students is important, but if the encouragement doesn’t jibe with the truth, then it won’t be effective. It can’t be effective because there is no meaning in puffery—and deep down students know it.

Further, praise that isn’t based on the truth…

Lowers the bar.

It tells students that mediocre is not only good enough, but it’s celebrated. When the standard for earning praise is down around their kneecaps, what motivation do students have to go any higher?

Says they’re not good enough.

Receiving empty, dishonest praise communicates to difficult students that they’re incapable of behaving in a manner equal to their well-behaved peers.

Encourages them to manipulate.

If they can get a pat on the back from you for minimal effort, they’ll work that knowledge to get attention whenever they need it—making them feel special, haughty even, in front of their classmates, encouraging even more devilish behavior.

Doesn’t improve behavior.

False praise contributes nothing to real, sustained improvement. It merely nudges students to make a temporary bounce from where they are… to slightly, tantalizingly, better. When the buzz from meaningless praise wears off, they’re back where they started.

But What If That’s The Best They Can Do?

If the thought ever enters your mind that some of your students aren’t capable of becoming well behaved, push it aside.

Because it isn’t true.

All students have the capacity to change, to overcome, to reinvent themselves. It’s never just “the best they can do.”

A teacher’s limiting beliefs not only deeply affect students, but they also affect what the teacher is capable of.

Be A Straight Shooter

A wonderful gift you can give your students is an honest assessment of where they are—behaviorally and academically—followed by a clear vision of how they can climb their way up.

Telling difficult students they’re doing well when in reality they’re not, lightens their load and eases the burden of disrupting your classroom, breaking your rules, and interfering with learning, making it a virtual guarantee that such behavior will continue.

Being straight with them ensures that there is no confusion: poor behavior is not welcome in your classroom. The days of being pleaded with to behave and praised for minimal effort are over.

This commitment to being honest with students has a powerful and influential side effect: it adds meaning to praise and encouragement.

Truth Provides Meaning

If you’re always honest with difficult students, they’ll learn quickly that when you praise them, they can take it to the bank.

If David really did have a good morning, and Ms. Smith is in the habit of giving only worthy praise, a simple and sincere “Hey David… good work this morning” will have him walking on clouds.

Praise based on truth will mean something to your students. Deep inside. Where real change takes place.

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- Smart Classroom Management - Copyright 2009-2011, All Rights Reserved.

Emotional outbursts, temper tantrums, yelling, lashing out.

Severe misbehavior like this needs to be dealt with differently than typical rule breaking.

How you respond goes a long way toward gaining control of the incident, keeping it from affecting other students, and lessening the chances of it happening again.

An Ineffective Response

Like parents who rush wide-eyed whenever a child falls and scrapes his knee, it’s a mistake to be in a hurry to intervene when students lose their cool.

The inclination to jump in and fix the problem can make matters worse. In response to an angry, verbally aggressive student, here is what you should never do:

Enforce a consequence.

You must hold students who act out in anger accountable—without a doubt—but not right away. You risk escalating the problem if you immediately try to pull them aside or put them in time-out.

Get angry.

Aggression on aggression is an explosive mix. Never yell, scold, or attempt to use the power of your authority to stop emotionally charged students.

Touch the student.

It’s common for teachers to place a hand on a student’s shoulder in an attempt to calm. But you don’t know what students are thinking in any given moment or what they’re capable of. It’s best to keep your distance.

Talk with the student.

Angry students are not open to conversation. So during and up to a couple of hours after the outburst, leave them alone.

An Effective Response

When a student acts out in anger in the classroom, here is what you should do:

Stay calm.

Keeping your emotions in check is the first step to gaining control of any situation.

Observe.

Stand firmly where you can observe the student in question and show the class you’re in control, but far enough away to keep an eye on all of your students.

Shield.

Your other students must not talk to or otherwise involve themselves with the angry student. Your first priority is to keep them safe, calm, and uninvolved.

Nothing.

Often, it’s best not to say or do anything. If the angry student stops the behavior, simply continue on with what you were doing—for now—allowing the student time to cool off.

Calm the student.

Rarely, you might have to use calming language and reassurance to settle the student down. Say, “Take it easy… I know you’re frustrated… We’ll talk about it later…” or words to that effect.

Wait.

Don’t speak to the angry student until he or she is in a calm emotional state. Continue with your day until you know the student is ready to listen.

Document.

As soon as you are able, document the student’s behavior. Write down everything said or done and interview all students near or involved in the incident. Make a copy for your records—muy importante.

Contact parents.

Severe misbehavior must be reported to parents. However, resist the urge to offer opinions or conclusions. Just give the facts. You do your job and let parents do—or not do—theirs.

Hold accountable.

After the student returns to a calm frame of mind, which could take a couple of hours, briefly explain how he or she will be held accountable.

Provide a stiff consequence.

Acting out in anger should result in an immediate escalation of consequences. A full day, in-class separation from the rest of the students is a good place to start.

Take care of it yourself.

Unless the behavior is physically aggressive, I’m not in favor of getting the principal involved. Involving administration weakens your authority and your ability to manage your classroom.

Take Your Time

You can’t go wrong taking your time in response to verbal aggression, tantrums, acting out in anger, and the like.

Waiting and observing allows you to accurately assess the behavior, keeps you from losing your cool, and clearly establishes you as the leader in control of the classroom.

Note: For students with recurring behavior problems, see the article series How To Turn Around Difficult Students.

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- Smart Classroom Management - Copyright 2009-2011, All Rights Reserved.