It starts with a perceived injustice then builds quickly from there. Vibrating deep within the body, anger rises to the surface, turning down mouth corners, narrowing eyes, and flushing the skin.

Pouting and stewing over the “unfairness,” the student loses the inner battle for control and loosens a torrent of outrage, tumbling from the mouth and quaking through the body.

“That’s not fair!!!”

Fists slam on desks. Papers are thrown. Tears are shed. And it happens right in the middle of your classroom.

Although more common in primary grades, lapses in emotional control seem to be happening more and more with upper elementary and middle school students.

Such behavior is grossly immature—of course, for any school-age student—and not worth getting worked up over. But it can also be dangerous. And if handled poorly, you can make the situation worse or cause it to repeat itself over and over again.

Follow the steps below to take fast control of explosive situations and lessen the chances of them happening again.

1. Protect

Your number one responsibility is the safety of your students. So as soon as you notice a student losing control, shift your focus to the rest of your class. Ask them to stay clear of the ill-tempered student. Situations like this underscore how important it is that your students respect you, trust you, and follow your directions as soon as you ask.

Note: If ever you sense an incident escalating beyond your control, call for help immediately—an administrator, campus police, or teacher next door.

2. Wait

Resist the urge to rush in and try to calm the student. For at least the next several minutes, jumping in to try to fix things could put you and your class at risk and incite more aggressive behavior. Unless you absolutely have to step in to protect one or more of your students, keep your distance.

3. Observe

Continue waiting while keeping an eye on both the student in question and the rest of your class. Don’t say anything to the student. Simply observe until the student calms down and returns to his (or her) seat. As the student begins to settle down, it’s okay to say to him calmly, “Have a seat and we’ll talk about it later.”

4. Continue

It’s important to return your classroom to normalcy as soon as possible. Continue with your lesson or activity as if nothing happened. If the student doesn’t choose to participate, so be it. Let him marinate in his own decisions for a while.

5. Stay Clear

Stay clear of the student for at least a couple hours. If the tantrum happened at the end of the day, let the student leave and deal with it in the morning. Only when the student is behaving normally and the incident is forgotten should you approach.

6. Enforce

Although it’s important to follow your classroom management plan, there are times when you must change the script. For potentially dangerous situations, you reserve the right to jump past the warning and time-out steps and go directly to an extended time-out. A half day is reasonable.

7. Inform

For serious behavior issues parents must be notified. Because an emotional outburst is difficult to communicate in a form letter, it’s best to call home—not to discuss the incident, but to inform. Just give the facts. Tell the parent what happened and what you’re doing about it. How they handle it at home isn’t your concern.

Accountability Works Best

The prevailing wisdom says that a student who has a temper tantrum should talk things out with the teacher or other trusted adult—why he acted the way he did, what he could have done differently, etc.

Too often, though, talking it out has the effect of absolving the student of responsibility. It gives credence to the perceived injustice. It justifies his selfish behavior. It shifts the burden of responsibility away from the student and places it with either the source of his anger, with outside circumstances, or with his inability to control himself.

The problem, though, is rarely a lack of emotional control. The problem is that the adults in his life have a hard time saying no to him. They indulge him. They appease him. They cave in to his demands, arguments, and histrionics.

He throws temper tantrums because they work.

To ensure it doesn’t happen on your watch, to do what is best for the student and his future, don’t let him off the hook. Don’t give him stickers when he handles himself the right way.

Don’t talk it out.

Instead, hold him accountable for his behavior. Allow him to feel the gravity of his actions. Send the message that we can’t always get what we want; that in order to learn, to grow, to mature, to become better and more successful people, we have to behave with grace in the face of disappointment.

Most children who lose emotional control have been subject to too much talk.

And not enough action.

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- Smart Classroom Management - Copyright 2009-2011, All Rights Reserved.

If you’re like most teachers, two or three students take up most of your time.

On the days when they’re absent, or pulled from your class, everything goes smoothly. Teaching is more fun. You’re more relaxed. And you can cruise through your lessons without interruption.

Hooray!

But when they’re sitting in class, which seems like all the time, they can make you want to pull your hair out.

Unfortunately, the frustrations you feel dealing with difficult students can cause you to make mistakes.

The following is a list of 7 rules–all don’ts–that will help you avoid the most common pitfalls, and turn your most difficult students into valued members of your classroom.

Rule #1: Don’t question.

It’s normal for teachers to force explanations from difficult students as a form of accountability. But asking why and demanding a response from them almost always ends in resentment. And angry students who dislike their teacher never improve their classroom behavior.

Rule #2: Don’t argue.

When you argue with difficult students, it puts them on equal footing with you, creating a “your word against theirs” situation. This negates the effects of accountability. It also opens the floodgates: everybody will be arguing with you.

Rule #3: Don’t lecture, scold, or yell.

Lecturing, scolding, and yelling will cause all students to dislike you, but when you direct your diatribe toward one particular student, it can be especially damaging. Creating friction between you and your most challenging students virtually guarantees that their behavior will worsen.

Rule #4: Don’t give false praise.

Teachers often shower difficult students with praise for doing what is minimally expected. But because these students can look around at their fellow classmates and know that it’s a sham, false praise doesn’t work. Instead, give only meaningful, heartfelt praise based on true accomplishment.

Rule #5: Don’t hold a grudge.

“Every day is a new day” should be your mantra with difficult students. They need to know that they have a clean slate to start each day–and so do you. To that end, say hello, smile, and let them know you’re happy to see them first thing every morning.

Rule #6: Don’t lose your cool.

When you let students get under your skin and you lose emotional control, even if it’s just a sigh and an eye roll, you become less effective. Your likeability drops. Classroom tension rises. And when difficult students discover they can push your buttons, they’ll try as often as they can.

Rule #7: Don’t ignore misbehavior.

Given that there is an audience of other students, ignoring misbehavior will not make it go away. It will only make it worse. Instead, follow your classroom management plan as it’s written. If a difficult student breaks a rule, no matter how trivial, enforce it immediately.

It’s About Relationships

What if the two or three (or more) difficult students in your classroom admired you? What if they looked up to you, respected you, trusted you, and liked being in your company?

What if they embraced whatever you had to say to them?

Your success in helping them change their behavior would go through the roof, and you’d have peace in your classroom. The fact is, everything hinges on your ability to build relationships with your students.

Your classroom management plan merely nudges them in the right direction. Done correctly, it gets students to look inward, to self-evaluate, and to feel the weight of their transgressions. But by itself, it can only do so much.

It’s your relationship with your students that makes the greatest difference.

When you build trusting rapport with them, which anyone can do, you then possess a tidal wave of influence that can change their behavior, improve their academic performance, and profoundly impact their lives.

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- Smart Classroom Management - Copyright 2009-2011, All Rights Reserved.

Do you hide the truth from difficult students?

Do you give them false praise?

In the name of encouragement, most teachers do.

But if you want lasting improvement in their behavior, then you have to be brutally honest with them.

Difficult students don’t benefit from being coddled or having smoke blown in their ears.

Yet, few teachers actually tell it like it is.

Example:

David has been a behavior problem all year for Ms. Smith, but today he’s better. He hasn’t bothered his tablemates as much, he’s been relatively quiet, and he hasn’t been sent to time-out.

Just before lunch Ms. Smith pulls David aside, drapes her arm over his shoulders, and says, “Hey David, great job today! Way to go, buddy! Keep up the good work!”

Huh? Say what?

Was David really doing a great job? Do you think Ms. Smith would describe David’s behavior to a colleague as being “good work?” Of course not—not when measured by a standard of behavior that is required for success in school.

False Praise Is A Bad Classroom Management Strategy

Encouraging difficult students is important, but if the encouragement doesn’t jibe with the truth, then it won’t be effective. It can’t be effective because there is no meaning in puffery—and deep down students know it.

Further, praise that isn’t based on the truth…

Lowers the bar.

It tells students that mediocre is not only good enough, but it’s celebrated. When the standard for earning praise is down around their kneecaps, what motivation do students have to go any higher?

Says they’re not good enough.

Receiving empty, dishonest praise communicates to difficult students that they’re incapable of behaving in a manner equal to their well-behaved peers.

Encourages them to manipulate.

If they can get a pat on the back from you for minimal effort, they’ll work that knowledge to get attention whenever they need it—making them feel special, haughty even, in front of their classmates, encouraging even more devilish behavior.

Doesn’t improve behavior.

False praise contributes nothing to real, sustained improvement. It merely nudges students to make a temporary bounce from where they are… to slightly, tantalizingly, better. When the buzz from meaningless praise wears off, they’re back where they started.

But What If That’s The Best They Can Do?

If the thought ever enters your mind that some of your students aren’t capable of becoming well behaved, push it aside.

Because it isn’t true.

All students have the capacity to change, to overcome, to reinvent themselves. It’s never just “the best they can do.”

A teacher’s limiting beliefs not only deeply affect students, but they also affect what the teacher is capable of.

Be A Straight Shooter

A wonderful gift you can give your students is an honest assessment of where they are—behaviorally and academically—followed by a clear vision of how they can climb their way up.

Telling difficult students they’re doing well when in reality they’re not, lightens their load and eases the burden of disrupting your classroom, breaking your rules, and interfering with learning, making it a virtual guarantee that such behavior will continue.

Being straight with them ensures that there is no confusion: poor behavior is not welcome in your classroom. The days of being pleaded with to behave and praised for minimal effort are over.

This commitment to being honest with students has a powerful and influential side effect: it adds meaning to praise and encouragement.

Truth Provides Meaning

If you’re always honest with difficult students, they’ll learn quickly that when you praise them, they can take it to the bank.

If David really did have a good morning, and Ms. Smith is in the habit of giving only worthy praise, a simple and sincere “Hey David… good work this morning” will have him walking on clouds.

Praise based on truth will mean something to your students. Deep inside. Where real change takes place.

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- Smart Classroom Management - Copyright 2009-2011, All Rights Reserved.

Emotional outbursts, temper tantrums, yelling, lashing out.

Severe misbehavior like this needs to be dealt with differently than typical rule breaking.

How you respond goes a long way toward gaining control of the incident, keeping it from affecting other students, and lessening the chances of it happening again.

An Ineffective Response

Like parents who rush wide-eyed whenever a child falls and scrapes his knee, it’s a mistake to be in a hurry to intervene when students lose their cool.

The inclination to jump in and fix the problem can make matters worse. In response to an angry, verbally aggressive student, here is what you should never do:

Enforce a consequence.

You must hold students who act out in anger accountable—without a doubt—but not right away. You risk escalating the problem if you immediately try to pull them aside or put them in time-out.

Get angry.

Aggression on aggression is an explosive mix. Never yell, scold, or attempt to use the power of your authority to stop emotionally charged students.

Touch the student.

It’s common for teachers to place a hand on a student’s shoulder in an attempt to calm. But you don’t know what students are thinking in any given moment or what they’re capable of. It’s best to keep your distance.

Talk with the student.

Angry students are not open to conversation. So during and up to a couple of hours after the outburst, leave them alone.

An Effective Response

When a student acts out in anger in the classroom, here is what you should do:

Stay calm.

Keeping your emotions in check is the first step to gaining control of any situation.

Observe.

Stand firmly where you can observe the student in question and show the class you’re in control, but far enough away to keep an eye on all of your students.

Shield.

Your other students must not talk to or otherwise involve themselves with the angry student. Your first priority is to keep them safe, calm, and uninvolved.

Nothing.

Often, it’s best not to say or do anything. If the angry student stops the behavior, simply continue on with what you were doing—for now—allowing the student time to cool off.

Calm the student.

Rarely, you might have to use calming language and reassurance to settle the student down. Say, “Take it easy… I know you’re frustrated… We’ll talk about it later…” or words to that effect.

Wait.

Don’t speak to the angry student until he or she is in a calm emotional state. Continue with your day until you know the student is ready to listen.

Document.

As soon as you are able, document the student’s behavior. Write down everything said or done and interview all students near or involved in the incident. Make a copy for your records—muy importante.

Contact parents.

Severe misbehavior must be reported to parents. However, resist the urge to offer opinions or conclusions. Just give the facts. You do your job and let parents do—or not do—theirs.

Hold accountable.

After the student returns to a calm frame of mind, which could take a couple of hours, briefly explain how he or she will be held accountable.

Provide a stiff consequence.

Acting out in anger should result in an immediate escalation of consequences. A full day, in-class separation from the rest of the students is a good place to start.

Take care of it yourself.

Unless the behavior is physically aggressive, I’m not in favor of getting the principal involved. Involving administration weakens your authority and your ability to manage your classroom.

Take Your Time

You can’t go wrong taking your time in response to verbal aggression, tantrums, acting out in anger, and the like.

Waiting and observing allows you to accurately assess the behavior, keeps you from losing your cool, and clearly establishes you as the leader in control of the classroom.

Note: For students with recurring behavior problems, see the article series How To Turn Around Difficult Students.

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- Smart Classroom Management - Copyright 2009-2011, All Rights Reserved.

This third and final part of this series is about communicating with difficult students in a way that will compel them to behave the way you want them to.

But I must warn you. It’s going to be different than you’re used to and may take time to develop the discipline to overcome old habits.

The benefits, however, can be life changing for difficult students.

There are two mistakes teachers make when communicating with difficult students. Both are counterproductive.

(1) Reacting in frustration

In dealing with difficult students, teachers become frustrated and react by scolding, yelling, and threatening.

True, these methods may suppress behavior in the short term, but they do nothing to improve behavior over time. In fact, they can cause an increase in misbehavior.

The reason is simple—and obvious if anyone has ever spoken to you this way.

It causes students to dislike you.

And once this happens, you’re done. You can’t help them. A bad relationship will sever any influence you had, or hope to have, with a difficult student.

(2) Overpraising

When difficult students do something correctly, teachers tend to praise too much or too demonstratively. They hug, cheer, high-five, celebrate, and give rewards and prizes—often for expected behavior.

This sends the wrong message.

Like behavior contracts, it communicates to difficult students that they can’t control themselves like everyone else and therefore need special attention from the teacher.

If you treat them like it’s an accomplishment not to be a disruption, then you’re setting the behavior bar for them spectacularly low. One sure way to make difficult students stay difficult is to make a big deal out of expected behavior.

Influence

Your goal with difficult students should be to build influence with them. When a student likes and trusts you, they’ll want to behave in a way that pleases you.

It’s a simple idea, yet it eludes so many.

Follow these guidelines to build a level of influence that will make difficult students want to behave.

Leave them alone.

Most difficult students get way too much attention from teachers—often for years. Be the first to cut them off. The lectures, reminders, pep talks, and endless warnings have got to go.

A good rule of thumb is to not spend any more time on them than the rest of your students.

Let your consequences do their job and give these difficult students a chance to become regular members of your classroom—and not the outcasts that constant attention can make them feel.

Don’t cause friction.

Have you ever had the feeling that some students are trying to get under your skin or trying to exact revenge?

Well they are.

The fact is, most difficult students don’t like their teacher. If a student dislikes you, you’ll have an uphill battle getting him or her to behave. Every time you scold or berate a student, you drop further away from changing behavior.

Note: holding students accountable doesn’t cause them to dislike you, reacting in frustration does.

Develop a friendly relationship.

Having a friendly connection with difficult students is an easy way to create leverage with them. If they like you, you have powerful influence on their behavior.

When you get to know someone on a personal (ergo influential) level, you discover their positive qualities and they discover yours. So when you speak to difficult students, avoid talking about behavior issues.

Instead, talk about your common interests and work on getting to know them without strings attached; get to know them for the sake of getting to know them.

Have some fun.

It’s a myth that having fun somehow causes students to misbehave. The opposite is true. When you’re tight and serious, you’re less likable, the class is boring, and your students are more apt to act out.

This is particularly true of difficult students.

So have fun as a class and allow your difficult student(s) to experience the feeling of being part of it. Give them a chance to love school for once—few of them do. It’s a powerful motivator to behave.

The Bottom Line

If these guidelines sound simple, you’re right. They are.

You don’t have to lecture difficult students. You don’t have to beg, plead, or convince them to behave. You don’t have to be a psychologist or a Harvard debating champion. You don’t have to prove your point, explain yourself, argue, prod, persuade or manipulate.

You don’t even have to spend much time with them.

The bottom line is this:

If you build influence with difficult students, and you’re committed to holding them accountable when they misbehave, you can completely and unalterably turn them around.

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- Smart Classroom Management - Copyright 2009-2011, All Rights Reserved.

In How To Turn Around Difficult Students (Part 1), I made the case that teachers struggle with difficult students because their compassion overrides doing what is best for the student.

If you haven’t read the article, I encourage you to read it before continuing with this one.

In this week’s article, I’m going to going to show you how to turn a difficult student into just another contributing member of your classroom.

Let’s be clear. When I use the term difficult student, I’m referring to those students who exhibit frequent misbehavior, disrespect, and interruptions in learning… despite your commitment to follow through with a consequence for every rule violation.

This is key.

Most so-called difficult students need nothing more than a teacher with a solid classroom management plan and a thorough understanding of how to implement and enforce it.

Take a hard look at how you’re managing your classroom before trying anything else.

Have you taught your students—shown them—how you expect them to behave? Do you enforce a consequence every time a rule is broken? Are your procedures and transitions sharp and efficient? Are the rest of your students well behaved?

If you can answer yes to these questions and yet nothing seems to work with this one student…

I have a strategy that will work.

It’s neither complicated nor time consuming, but it does take a classroom management mindset and a willingness to set aside immediate feelings of compassion for the student in question.

Teachers who make decisions based on feeling sorry for students and their sometimes-awful circumstances can cause behavior to worsen. The most compassionate thing you can do for a difficult student is to hold him or her accountable.

But real accountability, the kind an unusually difficult student needs, isn’t for the weak-kneed.

Members Only Strategy

When a difficult student proves to be unfazed by your classroom management plan, it’s time to take accountability to the next level and use the members-only strategy.

Note: I recommend beginning this strategy on a Monday morning and after you’ve spoken with the student’s parents and your administrator. It’s important to let them know of your plans.

Here’s how it works:

Before your students arrive in the morning, move the difficult student’s desk to a location away from the rest of the students. It must be in a place where the student has a clear view of the front of the room or wherever you conduct your lessons.

No, this isn’t the strategy. I know teachers commonly move a child’s desk to keep them away from certain students or to keep them in close proximity.

This move is symbolic.

When your students enter your classroom, pull the student in question aside and inform her that she is no longer a member of your classroom.

Say, “Jennifer, because you’ve chosen not to follow rules, you can’t be a member of this class anymore. What that means is that you will still be required to do your normal schoolwork, but you’ll no longer be able to participate in any activities that involve the rest of the class.”

Anything and everything that is related to working with or enjoying you or her classmates is off limits. She must be kept apart—and feel apart—but with the same academic work as everyone else.

Sound harsh?

You don’t have a choice.

You can’t let any one student interfere with the rights of others to learn and enjoy school. And to really help her, to change the direction of her life, you must hold her to a standard of behavior required for success in school.

For the first week, leave Jennifer alone. No pep talks. No lectures. No profound words. Don’t tell her what to think or how to feel. Let her discover this on her own.

However, you must be pleasant toward her. She must see that you care about her and want her to succeed. Smiles and hellos are appropriate, but don’t overdue it. Resist verbal praise for now—even if you see improvement.

Soon, maybe within the first day or two, Jennifer will appear calmer, quieter, and more appreciative of you and her classmates. Wait until later in the week—Friday is best—before having a conversation with her.

If you see contrition in her eyes, her speech, and her body language, walk by her desk, lean down and say, “When you’re ready to be part of this class again, come see me.” And then walk away.

She must make an effort to come and talk to you. And she will. Soon.

Why?

Because it’s human nature.

We all want to feel like we are part of something. No student is immune from this desire. This is why the more camaraderie, rapport, and fun you can create in your classroom the better.

Don’t be afraid to ratchet up the joy and togetherness in your classroom while the difficult student is being kept apart. Take advantage of this desire we share to belong to something special and bigger than ourselves.

It’s a powerful force.

When Jennifer finally approaches you, listen to what she has to say. Let her do the talking. She has to prove to you she’s ready. Does she talk about her mistakes? Does she apologize? Does she discuss how she is going to handle herself in the future? Is she sincere?

If so, welcome her back. Tell her how happy you are. But under no circumstances are you to add a warning or lecture. Let your actions do the talking.

After your conversation, move her desk back and let her rejoin her classmates as a member in good standing.

And then get on with your year.

Next week (Part 3) is about your relationship with difficult students and how to communicate with them so that they’ll want to behave.

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- Smart Classroom Management - Copyright 2009-2011, All Rights Reserved.

At the start of every school year you drag your finger down your roster, hopeful you won’t see one of the few names that can send shivers down your spine.

Every year, it seems, there are a handful of students that have the potential to make your life miserable.

Having one of these beauties on your roster can mean the difference between leaping out of bed in the morning and shrinking pitifully back under the covers.

For most teachers, a year with a difficult student will proceed predictably.

The student will disrupt your class, interfere with learning, and cause you to spend an inordinate amount of time trying to curb his or her behavior.

You’ll manage to keep the damage to a minimum and get the child through the school year.

But at what cost?

How much were the other students affected? How much class time was lost dealing with this one student?

And what about you and your personal fulfillment?

Was it another year of being sick and tired of dealing with misbehavior? Is it going to be another summer of hoping the stars will align and you finally get a “good” class?

And what of the difficult student? Will he (or she) move on to the next grade level no more mature or well behaved than when he walked through your classroom door on the first day of school?

Will you sigh, rub your temples, and say to your colleagues, “I’m so glad this year is over, and I’m sorry to whoever gets Anthony next year?”

What I’m getting at is this:

Are you ready to confront the real reason why you struggle with difficult students?

The Buck Stops Here

The reason teachers struggle with difficult students year after year is because they don’t have the stomach for it.

Their sense of compassion overrides doing what is right for the student.

Compassion is a good thing. We teachers were born with it in abundance. It breaks our hearts to see what some of our students have to go through at such a young age.

I get that. I feel for what some of our students have to deal with.

But this same compassion that in many respects makes you a good teacher can cause you to make excuses for students, which, in the long run, hurt them and undermine your ability to turn them around.

Example:

“I know Anthony was terrible this week and doesn’t deserve to go on our field trip to the zoo, but I don’t want to leave him back at school because ____________________.”

A. Anthony has a tough home life

B. Anthony’s father is in prison

C. Anthony has a learning disability

D. Anthony has never been to the zoo

I know you want what’s best for your students. I know you love kids. I know you want to make a difference.

But do you care enough to stop making excuses for bad behavior? Do you care enough to make the hard decisions? Do you care enough to put your personal feelings aside and do what is right for your students?

Are you ready to say, “It’s over. The buck stops here. The disrespect, the bad behavior, and the excuses are going to stop with me?”

Are you ready to make a lifelong impact on those who need you the most?

Answering yes to these questions is difficult. It’s scary. It means you must confess that there really is something more that you can do.

The power to turn difficult students around indeed resides with you.

You really can make a difference in Anthony’s life. You really can change the course of his life and lead him down the path that leads to success and opportunity—despite the terrible hand Anthony has been dealt.

But you can’t escape this truth:

You do Anthony no favors by excusing his behavior or by saying, “Anthony’s behavior is terrible, but it’s expected. He is dealing with a lot of issues at home and carries around a lot of anger.”

There is no excuse for bad behavior. Zero. Zilch. Nada.

Sure, we can try to understand why it happens and where it comes from. We can help Anthony with his anger. We can show Anthony compassion with our encouraging words and notes of praise.

Life is incredibly tough for some of our students, without a doubt.

But if you believe that they can’t overcome their circumstances, and you believe that they—and you—are at the mercy of their home life and their difficult past, then you’re giving up on them.

And by excusing bad behavior and blaming it on outside influences, you’re letting them know loud and clear that you don’t believe in them.

Next week, I’m going to show you what to do when a difficult student like Anthony shows up on your roster. I’m going to show you how to turn them around and make a powerful impact on their lives.

But the last question I have for you is this:

Do you have the stomach for it?

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- Smart Classroom Management - Copyright 2009-2011, All Rights Reserved.

When a teacher seeks help in handling a difficult student, typically one of the first things recommended is a behavior contract.

Behavior contracts are popular because they give teachers a definite plan for improving behavior.

And where there is a plan, there is hope.

If you’re unfamiliar with how they work, behavior contracts are created collaboratively—usually the teacher, the student, and his or her parents. A principal or counselor may also sit in.

They consist of one or two agreed-upon goals and are supported by incentives and consequences that are tailored to the individual student.

At first glance, a behavior contract seems like a good idea: clear-cut goals, a student willing to try, parental support. And initially, behavior contracts do improve behavior—sometimes dramatically.

So what’s not to like?

Well… a lot.

Here’s why:

Behavior contracts label students

Anytime you treat difficult students differently than everyone else—by applying a different set of rules, incentives, and consequences—you’re communicating to them that they’re different, that they can’t control themselves like normal students and thus need special attention.

This doesn’t necessarily make them sad. In fact, they may appear quite thrilled with the stamp or sticker they earn for having a good day. This is why behavior initially improves.

But it undeniably lets them know, deep down inside, that they don’t measure up, that they’re not as “good” as everyone else. It becomes who they are, a self-fulfilling prophecy.

And children will always behave congruent with whatever label they’re given.

We want to inspire our students to believe in themselves and in their ability to listen, learn, and follow the rules of the classroom. Behavior contracts do the opposite. They demoralize students and make them feel helpless to change the course of their academic life.

Breaking rules and causing trouble then becomes not merely something they choose to do—which can be fixed—but rather it becomes who they are—which can’t.

External rewards are short term

At first a student on a behavior contract will be excited about earning stickers or prizes from the teacher or extra video game privileges at home.

But soon his or her interest will wane.

It’s human nature. The novelty will where off and motivation will weaken. External rewards alone only work short term and do little to improve behavior over time.

There is nothing wrong with using a prize box, and passing out smiley pencils or cool stickers is fun. But if used as the primary means to motivate students to behave, these external rewards will fail every time.

Being a member of a classroom they love is the greatest incentive. This offers a teacher powerful leverage, even with the most challenging of students.

Follow through is a bear

It’s great to have support from parents, and I think it’s important to get them involved. But anytime you have to count on that support for classroom management success, you’ll be disappointed. Parents get busy, lose interest, and become complacent. They just do.

Emails and notes home to parents should merely inform; to let parents know what is happening at school. Communication with home should not be used in the hope that it will change behavior.

Transferring any responsibility for the behavior in your classroom to someone else—whether it be a parent, principal, or counselor—weakens your ability to do it yourself.

The power to control your classroom should remain solely with you.

So What Is The Alternative?

The alternative is to treat every student the same. Any and all unwanted behavior by students should fall under the rules and consequences of your classroom management plan.

A behavior contract is nothing more than a replacement for a classroom management plan that isn’t being followed. The difference is that a classroom management plan doesn’t label students or chip away at their self-confidence.

For more information on this topic, please check out the article One Classroom Management Strategy For Every Student.

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- Smart Classroom Management - Copyright 2009-2011, All Rights Reserved.

I wasn’t sure I could do this.

One week into my first teaching assignment and I was having second thoughts about my career choice.

Although I had been working with kids since my junior year of high school, I had never encountered a child like Anthony before.

Anthony was one of 32 students in my fourth grade class, and he was taking up most of my time.

A wisp of a boy, he probably weighed no more than 60 pounds, but he was bold enough to interrupt nearly every lesson, every activity, and seemingly every word out of my mouth.

He called out in class, made fun of and laughed at other students, and challenged me when I tried to enforce a consequence.

I’d say, “Anthony you broke rule number two and you have to go to time-out.”

His response: “Make me.”

That first week I was reading aloud a childrens’ version of Robin Hood, a story I loved and was excited to share with my new class. But several times a day, Anthony would yell out, “Hey, when are we going to read Peter Pan?”

It makes me laugh today, but at the time it was frustrating.

When he wasn’t trying to get under my skin, Anthony was verbally abusing his classmates. He’d use the F word and whisper cruel things to them whenever I was out of earshot.

During rare, quiet moments, Anthony was sullen. He would stare at the ground and seethe.

By the second week, I was becoming resentful of him. In my self-centeredness, I felt that he was responsible for ruining the happy, peaceful, and inspiring classroom I had envisioned since deciding to become a teacher.

How could he do this to me?

I would sigh when he’d walk into the classroom in the morning and visualize him breaking the news to me that he was moving to Ohio.

“I’m gonna miss you Anthony. Good luck to you partner.”

What I didn’t know at the time, though I’m certain of today, is that he knew. He knew how I felt about him. Negative thoughts about students don’t stay hidden for long. One way or another, they always bubble to the surface.

I would pull Anthony aside to lecture him and threaten him with this and that. I used well-thought-out arguments and parried his sass with clever comebacks. I disliked him and sought to “put him in his place.”

And then I found out he lived in the backseat of a car.

He shared it with his five-year-old sister, and his mom slept in the front seat. He never knew his father.

I grew up in an affluent suburb. My dad bought me a car when I turned sixteen. I had every advantage.

Anthony had none.

Driving to school one morning, I saw him holding his sister’s hand as he walked her to school. I watched him hug her as he dropped her off at kindergarten.

I sat in my car in the school parking lot and cried. I was ashamed of my behavior and my selfishness, and I vowed to focus on helping students like Anthony and never taking their behavior personally again.

Here is some of what I learned from Anthony and a few other hard-to-like students over the years:

• If you don’t like them, they’ll know it. You can’t hide negative thoughts about students for long.

• Dislike or resentment toward students will sabotage your ability to help them or effectively manage your classroom.

• Understanding that extreme behavior often comes from a place of pain will soften your heart and help remove negative thoughts.

• You’re not doing difficult students any favors by overlooking poor behavior and neglecting to hold them accountable.

• They want to be treated like everyone else. So hold off on excessive praise. It’s condescending and makes them feel different.

• They need you desperately. You might be the only adult in their life who believes in them and in what they can become.

• Laughter truly is the best medicine. Have fun and laugh with them as often as you can.

• Remove sarcasm, arguing, lecturing, yelling, and the like from your repertoire of classroom management strategies. They don’t work and make turning difficult students around virtually impossible.

I don’t know where Anthony is today, but I can report that, although we had a few rough moments, the rest of the school year with him was a success.

He and his mother and sister found a place to live. He enjoyed school. His behavior improved. We laughed a lot.  And I can honestly say that I grew to like him and appreciate his unique gifts.

Having Anthony in my class my first year of teaching was the best thing that could have happened to me, and I’m grateful for the lessons I learned from him.

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- Smart Classroom Management - Copyright 2009-2011, All Rights Reserved.

A reader posted a question this week asking what to do if a student, in this case a kindergartner, crawled on the floor and under tables after being sent to time-out. Playing, straying, and not sitting quietly in time-out can happen regardless of grade level.

And this problem can be especially frustrating. It pulls the teacher away from his or her responsibilities and diverts the attention of the class away from the lesson and toward the misbehaving student.

To make matters worse, how you handle a situation like this can negatively affect the behavior of the rest of the class. More specifically, if the student in time-out gets away with behaving poorly, or is able to get under your skin, then others will follow.

So in that moment, what are your choices? How do you respond without demanding, lecturing, or yelling? Do you have another recourse?

These are important questions because they go straight to the heart of a teacher’s job satisfaction. The worst position to be in as a teacher is one where you feel you have no leverage, no recourse, and no options other than responding out of anger and going home stressed and discouraged.

Many teachers leave the profession because of it. And I don’t blame them. If I felt that students controlled my fate, that they decided whether I enjoyed my day or not, I’d consider another line of work too.

When a student misbehaves in time-out, it’s a blinking sign that your time-out isn’t working and won’t effectively curb misbehavior. Furthermore, it’s an act of defiance and shows a lack of concern over your consequences.

What To Do

In response to students who don’t sit quietly in time-out, there are six things you can do to ensure that it doesn’t happen again.

1. Show your students a complete picture, from start to finish, of what they’re expected to do if told to go to time out. Use detailed modeling. Demonstrate how to walk to time-out, where to sit, and precisely how you expect them to spend their time there.

2. Use the “how not” strategy and be sure to include any unwanted behaviors you’ve seen from your students (i.e., crawling under tables, making loud noises, leaving the time-out chair).

3. Have them practice. Choose students “randomly,” one at a time, to show the class how to do it.  Make them prove to you they understand the ins and outs of going to time-out.

4. When a particularly difficult student is sent to time-out, if at all possible, ratchet up the fun. Have a learning game or activity in your back pocket for such moments. Time-out is only effective if the student feels he or she is missing something.

5. Back up your time-out with a consequence. Think of the one thing you do as a class repeatedly, every day or every week, that your students love the most. It can be a certain lesson, game, song, story, or anything you wish. Whatever it is, missing that activity should be your consequence for not sitting quietly in time-out.

If you’re thinking, “I hate that they have to miss such a great activity. They love it so much and I feel bad taking it away from them,” then you know you’ve chosen the right one.

6. Follow through. Do what you say you will do, and do it every time.

If you discover that a student you sent to time-out isn’t sitting properly, or is otherwise not following the time-out directives, don’t overreact. Better yet, don’t react at all.

I know this is difficult to do at times, especially if the student is disrupting your class. But, at this point, it’s too late. If you try to “win the battle” by yelling, demanding, or lecturing, you’ll lose the war (so to speak).

Wait until the time-out is over and the student has settled down, and then calmly approach. Lean in and say, “Evette, because you didn’t sit quietly in time-out, you will have to miss the Jeopardy vocabulary game this afternoon.”

Don’t wait for a response. Turn and walk away.

When the time for the game or enjoyable activity arrives, show your enthusiasm for the event and allow your students to get excited. But just seconds before the start, when the room is silent, walk over to the offending student and remind her that she won’t be allowed to participate.

As you increase the interest, excitement, and enjoyment in your classroom, as well as your likability, classroom management becomes an easier proposition. Add to it an unbending commitment to accountability, and you have an unbeatable combination.

Everything you do—how you speak, the classroom environment you create, your relationship with students, and much more—affects classroom management. The entirety of how you can use these to your advantage can be found in the book Dream Class.

- Smart Classroom Management - Copyright 2009-2011, All Rights Reserved.