It starts with a perceived injustice then builds quickly from there. Vibrating deep within the body, anger rises to the surface, turning down mouth corners, narrowing eyes, and flushing the skin.
Pouting and stewing over the “unfairness,” the student loses the inner battle for control and loosens a torrent of outrage, tumbling from the mouth and quaking through the body.
“That’s not fair!!!”
Fists slam on desks. Papers are thrown. Tears are shed. And it happens right in the middle of your classroom.
Although more common in primary grades, lapses in emotional control seem to be happening more and more with upper elementary and middle school students.
Such behavior is grossly immature—of course, for any school-age student—and not worth getting worked up over. But it can also be dangerous. And if handled poorly, you can make the situation worse or cause it to repeat itself over and over again.
Follow the steps below to take fast control of explosive situations and lessen the chances of them happening again.
1. Protect
Your number one responsibility is the safety of your students. So as soon as you notice a student losing control, shift your focus to the rest of your class. Ask them to stay clear of the ill-tempered student. Situations like this underscore how important it is that your students respect you, trust you, and follow your directions as soon as you ask.
Note: If ever you sense an incident escalating beyond your control, call for help immediately—an administrator, campus police, or teacher next door.
2. Wait
Resist the urge to rush in and try to calm the student. For at least the next several minutes, jumping in to try to fix things could put you and your class at risk and incite more aggressive behavior. Unless you absolutely have to step in to protect one or more of your students, keep your distance.
3. Observe
Continue waiting while keeping an eye on both the student in question and the rest of your class. Don’t say anything to the student. Simply observe until the student calms down and returns to his (or her) seat. As the student begins to settle down, it’s okay to say to him calmly, “Have a seat and we’ll talk about it later.”
4. Continue
It’s important to return your classroom to normalcy as soon as possible. Continue with your lesson or activity as if nothing happened. If the student doesn’t choose to participate, so be it. Let him marinate in his own decisions for a while.
5. Stay Clear
Stay clear of the student for at least a couple hours. If the tantrum happened at the end of the day, let the student leave and deal with it in the morning. Only when the student is behaving normally and the incident is forgotten should you approach.
6. Enforce
Although it’s important to follow your classroom management plan, there are times when you must change the script. For potentially dangerous situations, you reserve the right to jump past the warning and time-out steps and go directly to an extended time-out. A half day is reasonable.
7. Inform
For serious behavior issues parents must be notified. Because an emotional outburst is difficult to communicate in a form letter, it’s best to call home—not to discuss the incident, but to inform. Just give the facts. Tell the parent what happened and what you’re doing about it. How they handle it at home isn’t your concern.
Accountability Works Best
The prevailing wisdom says that a student who has a temper tantrum should talk things out with the teacher or other trusted adult—why he acted the way he did, what he could have done differently, etc.
Too often, though, talking it out has the effect of absolving the student of responsibility. It gives credence to the perceived injustice. It justifies his selfish behavior. It shifts the burden of responsibility away from the student and places it with either the source of his anger, with outside circumstances, or with his inability to control himself.
The problem, though, is rarely a lack of emotional control. The problem is that the adults in his life have a hard time saying no to him. They indulge him. They appease him. They cave in to his demands, arguments, and histrionics.
He throws temper tantrums because they work.
To ensure it doesn’t happen on your watch, to do what is best for the student and his future, don’t let him off the hook. Don’t give him stickers when he handles himself the right way.
Don’t talk it out.
Instead, hold him accountable for his behavior. Allow him to feel the gravity of his actions. Send the message that we can’t always get what we want; that in order to learn, to grow, to mature, to become better and more successful people, we have to behave with grace in the face of disappointment.
Most children who lose emotional control have been subject to too much talk.
And not enough action.
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What should be done in the case where several students are “ganging up” to have control of the classroom. They would rather be difficult by breaking rules in groups. When one person is called on their misbehavior, they like to say “I wasn’t the only one doing it.” Or if a students is doing good in class, they make the announcement that so and so is being a GG meaning a good girl or a GB good boy like it’s a bad thing. I have enjoyed your website so much that I did in factor purchase the book. Thanks for your help.
Hi Renee,
What you’re describing–a lack of respect for you and their classmates–is a symptom of a much larger problem. I recommend starting over from the beginning. Reintroduce your classroom management plan, your expectations of behavior, and your routines and procedures. Teach, model, practice, and then enforce your rules 100% of the time. Also, it’s critically important that you work on building rapport and influence with your students (read through the category of the archive). Without this leverage, classroom management will be an uphill battle.
Michael
If you reintroduce your classroom management plan in the middle of the school year will your method still work?
Hi Lorraine,
Absolutely, you can start over any time you like. Here’s an article that may help: Losing Control Of Your Class? Here’s How To Get It Back
Michael
how do you deal with a child in the pre school setting who displays temper tantrum
Hi Jean,
I don’t really have anything to add to the article above.
:)Michael
Hi, I really like your website. Any suggestions for long term substitutes in a difficult class with little structure?
Hi Kim,
If you’re a long-term sub, then it’s now your class. Everything on the site will apply. I recommend starting in the Classroom Management Plan category of the archive.
Michael
Hello, I find your website very useful…it great to see what other teachers have to go through and there stratifies…you never know who you get next year!
Just wondering what would you do if you had a child who is just very hyperactive doesn’t stop talking and disrupts the class but also gets teased during play time as I have observed this and she lashes out with very harsh word cussing, yo mama jokes, nasty comeback and even conflict I really need some help as i am not sure what to do
Thanks courtney
Hi Courtney,
Welcome to the website! Glad you’re here. Have a look through the Classroom Management Plan and Difficult Students categories of the archive (top right-hand corner). You should find your questions answered there.
:)Michael
Hi Michael,
I have a student who has a temper tantrum almost every other day. Anything that I or other students say to him which could in any way be interpreted as offensive, he blows up, screams, may hurt someone, hurt himself, etc.
Putting him in an extended time-out will provoke another tantrum. (Every time he gets a warning, he has a tantrum.) I’m also pretty sure that his parents are unable to help in anyway if I call them.
What do you suggest?
Hi Mendy,
I don’t have anything to add to my response to your recent email or to the advice written above. Both points made in the email apply. However, if ever you feel you’re unable to ensure the safety of your students, then you must talk to your administrator immediately.
Michael
HI michael,
i enjoyed the article and there are some good strategies to use for one of my students in my pre-kindergarten classroom.
however, what can i do for a student, who once he reaches the climax of his anger (resulting in throw chairs, hitting another student for no reason, throwing trash cans or brooms, tearing paper, etc) …… this student doesn’t know how to calm down. he thinks about the reason that made him anger and can’t let it go. and doesn’t seem to know how to calm down. How can I help him?
I have tried to ignore him and observe him letting him scream and have a fit. but most often his anger will escalate and he will then throw a chair or hurt a friend. (that’s when I step in and remove him from the classroom).
I have tried a separate sticker chart too and it doesn’t work. HELP!!!!!! I had a conference with the parents and they are in denial that he has a problem and that he is just immature.
With my observations and documentations, there’s something more going on in his brain. but i’m only a teacher not psychologist.
I would like to resolve the problem in school so that I can get ideas that help him calm down.
Hi Joanna,
I believe that as a teacher, with other students in the room, the above strategy is the best option.
Michael
To be honest, not all temper tantrums are selfish and because they’re not getting what they want. Maybe in lower age groups, but unless it is a teenager with a disability, some teenagers throw tantrums because of extreme emotions and they don’t know what to do. The advice is perfect, but don’t assume that all tantrums are self-centered and “grossly immature.” Sometimes, it is because the child is in pain mentally and emotionally. I do have one question though. Are teachers allowed to touch the pupil in question when they are having a ‘tantrum’? There are mixed views. As long as it is not rough or inappropriate, I see no reason for them not to, if it is just a case of simply rubbing the person on the back or something.
Hi Evi,
I’d advise against it.
Michael
This is really helpful advice. Last year was my first year of elementary school teaching, and I ran into this problem with a number of students. One in particular had pinched a classmate for no apparent reason. I thought the thing to do was to have a heart-to-heart about it. He told me that he was upset because his grandmother had died several years ago. Of course, my admonishment at the end of the talk that we’re responsible for our behaviors even when we’re not feeling great went completely unheeded – several days after, I got called down to the front office because the student had punched someone in P.E., been sent to the office, told the administrator the same thing, and got suspended. I’ll definitely work on dealing with this kind of thing in a less “sensitive” way.
Excellent, Corinne! Thanks for sharing!
Michael
I have a child who has had a temper tantrum every day since school started last monday. I am a first grade teacher and she screams and cries for her “mommy”. Apparently her mother say with her everyday in Kindergarten last year. I try and ignore her and let her calm down but her screaming and crying is so loud, I can’t teach and she is near impossible to calm down. Administration comes and gets her and then she’s happy because she can leave class, call mom and has gotten to go home early. They have let her play with play dough, then bring her back in my room and she starts all over again. They want me to start her on a behavior chart where she can earn rewards for lasting for so long without a temper tantrum. I just don’t think it’s right since the rest of my students come to school without this behavior and aren’t being rewarded. Any suggestions?
Hi Lindsay,
This is a tough one, made tougher because I don’t think your administration is handling it well. Unless she has a legitimate emotional issue, which sounds unlikely, my best advice is to leave her be. Give her a chance to acclimate to first grade and being away from her mom. By pulling her from class and rewarding her, you not only delay this process for her but you risk making it a lot worse. This doesn’t mean you get angry with her or admonish her in any way. You show compassion and understanding and the patience of a pro’s pro. During trying moments like these, you have to breathe and know that you’re doing what’s best for everyone involved. Stay the course and she’ll come around.
Michael
Hi Lindsey, I had a similar problem with a child in my class – he would work himself up so much he would vomit. At first we thought he was sick and sent him home, but after a few days it became apparent that he was just (very) upset. As a result the class teacher (I’m an assistant) introduced stickers – every day he got a sticker if he didn’t cry. It worked within a week, and he was much happier at school. The other kids understood that he got special stickers for behaviour, as a few of the others do for abstaining from other behaviours (hitting, pushing, biting etc) and the stickers are done away with after a sustained time of behaving properly.
I understand students must be treated the same, but as they all have different issues I don’t see how a one size fits all strategy is going to work in every situation with every class.
Hi,
I’m writing out of concern for my daughter who is teaching 4th grade in a Texas school. She has a little girl who is on medication for ADHD and is living with her Grandmother. Obviously lots of problems in this little girls life. This little girl comes to class, and my daughter has to ring the office to come and get her every single day. This little girl yells, screams, throws her backpack around the room, hits things with her fists (banging on the desks), constantly back talks and says she hates school, hates her teachers and is upsetting the rest of the students. My daughter does not want to give up on this child, but worries about the other childrens education which is being disrupted and everyone’s actual safety. She was swinging around a pair of scissors one day. My daughter was told she can’t take away the little girls scissors for fear of “labelling” her. She is better after lunch when she has a dose of her medication, but until then she is a wild child. The principal says that nothing can be done other than documentation. By law, they cannot mention the little girls medication needing to be adjusted (by her dr obviously) to her Grandmother. The poor Grandmother raising her is at her wits end and was horribly embarrassed and in tears when my daughter and the principal had a meeting with her. I would be extremely grateful for anything that anyone could suggest for my daughter to try not only for this little girl…but to help the other students deal with this as well.
Hi Kay,
We have dozens of articles that can help. I recommend that your daughter spend some time in our archive, beginning in the Difficult Student category and going from there. I hope to tackle an article specific to her situation in the future.
Michael
Kay,
The teacher can ABSOLUTELY take away the scissors! NO ONE would be telling me that I could not take away those scissors. The teacher’s FIRST priority is the safety of ALL the students. There is no “labeling” that goes into taking away something from a student that is acting dangerously with that item. And, there is no “labeling” that goes into taking away things from any child that is being nasty or throwing a tantrum. I take away things when my own child is being nasty at home. Most parents do! Schools can do the same. It has NOTHING to do with labeling.
Someone needs to tell this grandmother to take the child to a psychologist for further testing, not just to a Primary care doctor for meds.
Has anyone mentioned sensory issues to the grandmother/guardians? For instance, the counselor or special ed team could do so. Sounds like more than ADHD.
I agree! Scissors can be a dangerous weapon. If a child is stabbed, his parents are not going to accept the explanation that the school didn’t want to “label” a child. All authorities in the situation would be sued and fired undoubtedly-and rightly so. And in my experience, kids always know when a child is somehow “off”. Labeling isn’t the problem; it is not teaching students how to be kind to others who have differences and not teaching those with differences what behaviors are and are not acceptable.
Hi Michael,
I am currently in teacher’s training and came across your site. I totally agree with you advice on dealing with difficult students, emotional outburst, temper tantrums and effective classroom management. BRAVO!
Thanks vfearon! Glad you found us.
Michael
These are great, great tips. I’ve read so many. Great site!!
It might also be helpful some advice on links about how to know when this behavior could be a sign of a more serious condition or sitution that needs addressed!!
Hi Michael,
I am a first year kindergarten teacher who has had much success using your advice and have recommended your website to many of my fellow teachers who are struggling with management. This article sounds like it is referring to short, sustained emotional outbursts, but I have a couple of students in my kindergarten class who have very lengthy and very loud screaming fits (sometimes up to an hour). I usually try to wait it out, but the screaming makes it so difficult for me and the other students to function, plus I worry that it is distracting to the classes around me. I have called the administration a few times, sometimes they come, sometimes they don’t. How do you recommend handling this type of situation?
Thanks!
Victoria
Hi Victoria,
I’ll be sure and add it to the list of future articles. Stay tuned!
Michael
Yes, maybe I’m missing the article that addresses this, but I have a student who is being very disruptive in the time out chair, I ignored but then told him I was resetting the timer because he wasn’t thinking about what put him there in the first place. I’m reading as much as I can to address this child’s needs, I just wasn’t sure what to do in the moment.
I have an issue with a child. This students throws a temper tantrum and is always saying “this isn’t fair” and drawing all the attention to themselves. When I address behavior that is not acceptable in class (talking, disrupting, etc) this student takes it as I’m making fun of them and has now addressed this to their parents. I feel like my classroom is now out of control due to this student, as I’m afraid on redirecting them and it be taken the wrong way. What could I do?
Hi Erin,
I sure wish I could give you a few pointers, but this is a big question with a lot of moving parts. I’d have to speak with you and get more information before I’d be able to offer reliable advice. You may want to consider personal coaching.
Michael
Hi Michael,
I enjoyed the article and there are some good strategies to use for one of my students in my pre-kindergarten classroom.
however, what can I do for a student, who once he reaches the climax of his anger (resulting in throw chairs, hitting another student for no reason, throwing trash cans, bites teachers, Kicking teacher, ever scratch teacher face, tearing paper, etc) …… this student doesn’t know how to calm down. He gets frustrated without reasons. My team trying everything’s all the we can thinks to support and helps with his behavior liked, Positive reinforcement, modeling, cooperative learning, functional behaviors assessments but nothing works. I don’t knows what else we can do I feels the he is physical abuse teacher’s. What do you recommend to do? I ask for supports to my supervisor but they won’t gets any supports, thanks.
I love what you said about handling kids with temper tantrums and holding them accountable. Would this approach work in the home with an 8 year old who has constant temper tantrums. His parents try to help him with his emotions, but he usually does what he wants there are no consequences. Things are getting worse.