How To Handle A Student Who Questions You With Disrespect

Smart Classroom Management: How To Handle A Student Who Questions You DisrespectfullyIt’s among the most requested topics we have yet to cover.

How do you handle a student who questions you, your decisions, or the way you run your classroom?

How do you respond when you know their motives are less than pure?

When you know they’re just trying to get under your skin.

Or worse, trying to get the class to turn against you.

The “question” usually comes out of left field, catching you off guard.

It’s almost always public, confrontational, and in the form of a challenge:

“Why can’t we just leave our seats when we feel like it?”

“Why do we have to be silent while we work?”

“Don’t you think it’s mean to make us do our essays over and over again?”

With more than a tinge of attitude, the student is clearly being disrespectful. But because it’s cloaked in the guise of a question, enforcing a consequence straightaway would likely only add fuel to their fire.

It would only prove their point—in their mind, anyway, as well as in front of the class—that you’re mean and unfair.

On the other hand, it’s hard to know what to say. It’s hard not to come across as angry, flustered, or defensive. So how should you handle it?

Here’s how in three easy steps:

1. Defer

It’s best not to respond to their question—at least not right away. Instead, defuse the tension in the room by deferring your answer to a later time.

Say, “I appreciate your question, but now’s not a good time. Let’s finish this lesson first, and when I get a chance, we can talk.”

Then move on as if nothing happened. Refuse to give them the forum to air their grievances or drag you into an argument in front of the class.

2. Wait

Wait at least twenty minutes before approaching the student. This way, you give them a chance to calm down and rethink the manner in which they posed their question.

Waiting also shifts control of the situation to you.

During this time, it’s important to formulate a simple, direct, and honest response that demonstrates how the rule or policy in question benefits them—as well as every student in the class.

3. Approach

Avoid pulling the student aside for a private chat or otherwise making the situation bigger and more important than it is.

Just approach them where they are, smile, and deliver your prepared line:

“You must raise your hand before leaving your seat because it protects every student from disruption. It’s also best for learning.”

“We must be quiet while we’re working because every student has a right to concentrate without interruption.”

“Rewriting is an important part of the writing process that will improve your essay and make you a better writer.”

Follow up with another smile and a quick, “Now get back to work.” Then turn and be on your way.

The Importance of Why

The three-step strategy will defuse tension and hostility, allow you to take control of the situation, and provide an effective response to their question.

It will reinforce the message that you know what you’re doing and that you base your decisions on what’s best for them.

Handling it this way is honest.

It’s clear and true and reestablishes the roles of student and teacher. It also effectively eliminates future challenges to your authority.

However, it’s important to note that the incident itself is a sign that you’re not adequately explaining the why of what you do.

Why is so important.

Because when your students know why they must work silently or raise their hand or rewrite essays, or follow any other rule, policy, or procedure . . .

They’re far more willing, and even eager, to go along with it.

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22 thoughts on “How To Handle A Student Who Questions You With Disrespect”

  1. Does this include ” You can’t tell me what to do!” When you give a quick warning to a student to keep his voice down?

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  2. How do you respond to a 3 1/2 year preschooler who is in everybodies face including teachers and raising his fist at teachers.

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  3. I got paddled by the vice principal when I was in 7th grade. That was the last time I misbehaved in school. Oh for the good old days!!

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  4. Thanks for all your plans. I’im on this site several times a week – and I must say that I agree with almost everything you write Michael. But I would not go for step 1 and 2 here, I think the student deserves a an a short and honest, direct answer right away, so I would chose step 3.

    Best regards from Anna, Denmark

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  5. I am going to try this. However, here’s MY problem, sometimes I forget!!!! I agree that students deserve an explanation because it’s important to be fair.

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  6. Great article for young and seasoned teachers alike. I have found that these steps do work. Plus, the wait time allows the adults to formulate next steps without going off half-cocked. Sometimes the simplest of responses is the best.

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  7. Hi Michael,

    I have a small class of 10 students mostly ESE students. There are a few students with big behavioral issues but they are fine with me for the most part which I believe is because I always smile and am kind. I have written before… my problem like most people being inconsistency. Well this small class went from half spanish speaking students to all English. It is my fault but before I was kind of letting a couple kids who knew and enjoyed math a lot to call out the answers. I let them know I appreciated it but that I would like for them to raise their hand to give others a chance. One student has a behavioral plan that includes not calling out. I am re-starting this week with rules and procedures, as they were unclear sometimes why they were getting checkmarks etc. due to my inconsistency. I agreed and this week like I said we have slowed down the math to go over rules and procedures. Now that I am having everyone raise their hand before speaking, I am getting a lot of push back from this student that used to love my class. He keeps saying I am “Aggravating” “he hates this class now” etc. I understand the frustration so I don’t get mad or anything but I am hoping that my consistency will make them all enjoy the class more in the end. It’s hard because I appreciate that he’s actually trying and comfortable with speaking in front of the class, but him and his partner will just continue calling out not realizing how that doesnt give everyone else time. Tomorrow I plan on doing what you said in another post… get in their seat and demonstrate calling out to show how ridiculous it is. I can’t help but feel bad that my class seems “boring” now that there is no calling out. But I know it’s only fair to everyone else. This is the class I want to really do what you are saying on this website with and stay consistent all year long. I need to hold myself accountable. It is just hard when it moves into an interesting discussion on “wait so what is the right answer?” and people want to naturally just start talking and add their thoughts but even in a group of 10 its only fair and polite to raise your hand EVERY time you want to say something?

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    • I know this was from last year and hopefully you got things figured out but in case you are still looking for something have you ever tried “show me”. This is where each student rights down their answer or work and when you ask for the answer everyone holds up their little white board or slate. This would satisfy those that want to shout out because they get to give their answer every time but it also allows you to quickly scan and see who is getting it and who is struggling.

      Reply
  8. Hi, Michael! Thanks for your articles! I would be very grateful if you write post about students who often notice rule breaking faster than you and say something like “Teacher, a warning for him, because he broke rule #1! Should I just discuss this type of behaviour an unacceptable?
    Many thanks.

    Reply
  9. Hi Mike

    I can happily and safely say, that implementing your management priciples and plan (with slight changes to fit my environment of course) has transformed my teaching career and has successfully helped me bring about the classroom conditions that I desire.

    As far as disrespectful speech from students, I have only one bugbear that I’m not sure whether to ignore or give a consequence for.

    There are one or two students who sometimes reply to me in what sounds like a mocking tone. For example if I say hello to one of these students in the hallway, he sometimes may respond with a high pitched or long drawn out “hello” in response. Another example, may be after I give a direction( this nearly always occurs outside of class) to said students, they respond with a high pitched or long drawn out “ok”.

    This only applies to one or two students. These students do not always do this and the behaviour usually occurs outside of class and very rarely occurs in class.

    I do give consequences to students for out of class behaviour and I have a clear procedure that I follow and that the students know and accept so I know what steps to follow to give a consequence. This is the only behaviour I have received from students that could be construed as disrespectful, since I implemented your management principles.

    I teach in China and it seems part of the culture is for natives to speak English in exaggerated tones in public on TV and in various other contexts.

    I find it irritating and disrespectful when students respond to me like this. It’s possible, due to the culture, that they are not diliberately being disrespectful.

    My questions are:

    Do you think this is classed as disrespectful behaviour?

    If one of your students did this to, you would you give a consequence?

    Do you think it would be unreasonable, and overly strict for me to explain to my students in class that I find this behaviour disrespectful and unacceptable, and why, and that in the future students will receive consequences for it?

    Thanks for your very helpful and practical site. You’re doing a very good work!

    Reply

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