My gosh, how they’re bounced around like a ship in a storm.
Rewarded one minute, lectured the next.
“Caught being good” then counseled. Punished then praised. Scolded then appeased then forced into another humiliating behavior contract.
Tighten and loosen, tighten and loosen.
Difficult students are treated like temperamental orchids, forever subject to trial and error. What works for awhile never seems to last, so let’s try something else.
Let’s see what sticks.
This, of course, is terrible for them. It’s confusing. It’s hurtful. It all but assures their behavior will never change. But this is what they get year after year after year.
So what’s the answer?
It’s to stay the course. It’s to be the same steady, calm, and kind teacher who follows the same progression of consequences day after day and week after week.
You see, with your most challenging students, improvement doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time. A slow turn of an oil tanker. The same unwavering drip, drip, drip of gentle influence pushing and steering them on course.
It’s the light pressure of lessons learned over and over that produce lasting change.
Difficult students need a stable, committed hand that guides the way like a thousand paper cuts and unlimited healing balm.
In the beginning, you may not even notice a difference, especially given their years of exposure to a hot-and-cold, off-and-on faucet of bribery, manipulation, and angry talking-tos.
But there is a current beginning to flow under the crust. So you must stay at the plow. You don’t experiment or try short-cuts. You don’t try to “just get through the day” with flattery or ignoring their misbehavior.
You do what is best for them long term by relying on the natural law that we learn when lessons come from realizing our own mistakes. We learn when we can’t blame others, when we’re painted into a corner, when we have to face the truth that we’re the problem.
Only then, and once thus empowered, do difficult students truly change. But you must have the courage to stand up for them. You must have the fortitude to follow through, even when they don’t want you too.
You must believe in them and have the toughness to say no to degrading tokens, prize boxes, rewards, and fake praise. You must care enough to take responsibility and say, “Enough is enough. It stops with me.”
So follow your classroom management plan as it’s written. Praise when it’s worthy and based on true accomplishment.
Treat your toughest students with the same dignity and good humor as your very best. Be willing to crawl with them hand in hand like a real-life Andy Dufresne through 300 feet of wastewater so they can one day stand exultant.
Having overcome their weaknesses and decimated self-worth to now pay forward your quiet and humble good deed.
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This is good. I’m tired. I’m trying to stay calm and follow the course, but there are many tough kids (middle school PE, 4 classes-120 kids). The tough ones change daily. Their behaviors change daily. It feels like March. Tips?
I agree! This year is especially tough. We have administrators who make rules but don’t really enforce them. Kids get rewarded even though they shouldn’t be. Having to sub in other teacher’s classes on my prep 2-3 days a week. It’s only October and I feel like I won’t make it until Christmas.
Needed this today. In the beginning of the year, I told his Grandma, keep sending him to school, I will keep trying. Do not put him online which will turn into no schooling at all.
Last week, he told me, “I am going to quit and be online.” I said, “No, your Grandma and I talked, and she is going to keep sending you so you can really learn.”
Blew up huge later on, swearing over a minor incident. Following the procedure, the rules, he is out. Yesterday, another student said I suspended him. “Oh, no, I didn’t…he suspended himself. He interupted the learning of this room.”
He will be back, but he is so much trouble for everyone else, the lunch lady, the PE teacher, the second grade teacher in the hall. It is hard to stay the course.
I love the line “He suspended himself”! Thank you for sharing it, and for staying the course!
Although this isn’t about “difficult students”, this year I eliminated the “prize box” and stickers in the 1st grade classroom. I have been reading the book and am on this site frequently and am following the guidance. The students this year are so much better behaved without the need for the stickers and prizes. I do have a discipline plan, spend a lot of time modeling, practicing, etc. Thank you so much for this site!
I also teach 1st. And I also don’t really want to do the treasure box. It’s expensive; the dollar store isn’t really a dollar store anymore! Could you please share your discipline plan? Thank you.
So the prize box doesnt work? I thought it might so I just implemented something with my 7th graders.
I thought positive reinforcement for good behavior would be a good thing. Can you help me see why you took it away? It’s my first year teaching and I don’t know what I am doing and the kids are terrible, disrespectful and I feel defeated. It will probably be my last year teaching in secondary education.
I taught elementary school (art) then middle and finally high school.
Middle school, when it was good was great. When it was tough, I wanted to scream (maybe I did scream). High School was great. I even had some of my old middle schoolers- and saw the power of those young adolescent hormones are overwhelming for them, and us adults. And those same kids were mellowed out, sweet and interested in things outside of them, in a good way. When I started teaching HS, there was an all district PD and it I noticed something interesting. The elementary school teachers were all super sweet, the high school teachers were all relaxed, and the middle school teachers (god bless them) were wiped out.
❤😊
I believe in this and have been consistently following this helpful advice for my toughest girl. I only have her one period a day, but it is a long period with her. We have a good rapport and she knows I love her, but I am the most consistent of her teachers and I do require her to follow the rules like everyone else. I truly appreciated your article on ODD, because it really applied to my situation with her. I joke with her, smile every day and tell her it’s nice to see her, and for most of my period she does a lot better than she does in her other classes. When she breaks the rule, I’ve been following your advice in that article about being even sweet when I tell her she was a warning or consequence. I say “I love you but you broke rule number ____ and you have a warning”. Her days are up and down like this article said, but I’m going to try to stay the most consistent in her life. Thank you so much for your advice.
I enjoyed reading about how consistently kind and pleasant you are to your difficult student. Love is such a powerful thing! It’s so exciting to see how it changes our students.
I have a challenging student this year whom my administrator is trying to push me to give the student a behavior chart -TOTALLY counter to my teaching and classroom management philosophy, which I follow from this site. I simply can’t fathom the idea of not holding this student accountable like everyone of my other students. Administration want to shower him with our school “coupons” every time he’s quiet in the hall or not throwing food in the cafeteria. I simply can’t condone behavior charts in lieu of following my classroom management procedures. Maybe because we are a PBIS school, folks are thinking that catching a student doing something good and rewarding them with a coupon is better than holding them accountable. It’s a tough road for sure, but I don’t plan on wavering. Hang in there Teacher Peeps!
What is your advice for elementary school specials teachers who have student that come to our classes with these reward systems made by their classroom teacher? Or special education teacher? Over the years it’s been as simple as the teacher asking if the child did this, this, and this, to did the child earn a dollar or a sticker or a check marker? He lost goes on. And yes I have my own management system that is simple the class as a whole needs to earn 5 colors 1 for respect, 1 for responsibility, 1 for staying safe, 1 for cooperation, and 1 for transitioning from me to their teacher by lining up with self control as they wait. No reward other than earning all 5. If they do not the color is removed for them to see what they need to work on next time.
Mike,
What year did you graduate Ladue? I graduated in 1976, and remember Mr. Hyde as well.
Dan Ludwig
Love this article! Have found a new rapport with difficult students and other teachers are asking why they don’t misbehave in my class! I’ve referred them to this website!
I do have a question. This is about a different kind “difficult” student. This student is new to our school. She is very bright, an A student. However, she tries to dominate the class discussion, tries to do all the jobs of the other students, makes a point to point out her 100s on work, cuts to the front of the line, rambles on about herself and activities. The other students are about fed up with the condescending attitude, however very polite. We’ve talked about classroom camaraderie, and working together while being kind. The other students avoid her at this point. She has had lunch with the guidance counselor to try to see if she may be on the spectrum, as she misses social cues as well. She whines when reporting that a student made fun of her…which I addressed with that student. And, honestly, she drives the teachers she has a bit wonky, as she tries to monopolize conversations with them, tries to listen in when they talk to other students and to each other. Not sure what to do next! any suggestions?
It sure is a tough year. Our sixth graders and disrespectful and our current behavior plans do not work. It’s challenging with no real support.
Please include me