It’s common for teachers to have blind spots.
—Areas they’re unaware of but have a negative impact on classroom management.
Being perceived by students as a pushover is a prime example.
They all know it.
But the teacher doesn’t have a clue.
This is a big problem because unless you’re aware of your weaknesses, you can’t address them. You’ll continue to struggle and not know why.
Pushover-ism is especially insidious because it causes animosity and makes building influential relationships virtually impossible.
What follows are six signs you may be a pushover.
1. You’re not 100% sure what behavior breaks your class rules.
If you’re uncertain about what does and doesn’t constitute transgressing your rules, then you’ll waffle when it comes to enforcing them.
Your students will believe that your boundaries are moveable and negotiable, which causes them to be reluctant to accept your consequences or take responsibility for their actions.
2. Your students argue with you.
Students argue, and continue to argue, when it works. They question, become angry, and blame you when you don’t sharply define where the line is and hold to it.
If you hesitate or behave timidly instead of boldly following through on your promises, then you open the door to aggressive pushback.
3. Your students behave disrespectfully.
Students have difficulty respecting a leader who doesn’t do what they say or who appears indecisive. It causes them frustration that eventually boils over to actual disrespectful behavior.
It may be subtle at first, with sighs and mumblings under their breath. But unless you change your pushover reputation, it always gets worse. Before long, it will be brazen and blatant.
4. You find yourself trying to convince your students to behave.
This is one of the worst positions to be in as a teacher. You have no leverage and little respect and thus are left with trying to somehow use the right combination of words and emotion to get your students to behave.
At times you may be able to appease or suppress misbehavior in the moment. But you’ll never affect any real change.
In fact, trying to convince students to behave only reinforces the image they have of you as weak and easily manipulated.
5. Your students act as if you’re not there.
To the degree that you’re perceived as a pushover, your students will tune you out. They’ll talk when you talk. They’ll turn away from your instruction. They’ll pretend that you don’t exist.
You’ll have to raise your voice and repeat yourself just to be heard. Just getting through lessons becomes an exercise in frustration.
6. Your students resent you.
Your more challenging students will definitely let you know how they feel about you. They’ll get angry and blame you when you try to hold them accountable. They’ll talk back and complain. They’ll avoid eye contact.
You’ll know where you stand.
But sadly, because you’re not protecting the rest of the class and their right to learn and enjoy school without interference, you’re also creating private resentment.
They won’t be vocal about it. They’ll even smile and be polite. But their lack of enthusiasm will give them away.
The Perception is the Problem
Being viewed by students as a pushover doesn’t mean that you’re not a strong person. Just deciding to become a teacher and showing up every day is proof that you are strong.
It’s the perception that’s the problem.
The key to reversing it is to be clear in your mind about what breaks your rules.
Knowing precisely where your boundary lines are enables you to effectively teach them to your students and, in turn, makes consistently following through much easier.
Once this is established, once you and your students understand every nuance of how how, why, and when each and every rule is triggered, you’re going to do something simple and powerful but that few teachers ever do:
You’re going to make a conscious decision to boldly follow through, do exactly what you say, and be the leader your students need.
Come what may.
Commit to it mind, body, and soul and the perception of you as a pushover will be gone in a week—along with the arguing and complaining, the ignoring and disrespect, the poor listening and undercurrent of resentment.
In their place will be a polite, well-behaved class.
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I think that teachers need to decide early on whether it’s better to be feared and respected than “liked” and disrespected. I find teachers who are “liked” are usually liked because they can’t manage their classes. There’s no discpline or structure. It’s why the difficult students love those classes. I believe those same difficult students don’t like me, but they respect me because they know I mean business when I enforce consequences. My colleagues were discussing a while ago how disrespectful our students are and I said they aren’t that way in my class. That’s when a colleague said, “They’re scared of you.” I would like to have a kinder more gentle approach, but that doesn’t work for these students. I was that way years ago when I started, but it didn’t work out well. Any suggestions?
Pete, I have to disagree. I have worked in very difficult school settings, (detention and treatment centers,) and found that fear may improve discipline but it does not always get quality work from your students. About half of the students don’t like being in a class where they fear the teacher. (Some students will always work hard no matter what type of class they are in.) Fear also fails because some teachers, no matter how hard they try, are just not scary.
I have tried the fear approach, and students just resented me and what I taught. They may have listened and worked, but it was not an enjoyable way to teach.
Consistency is the thing that is most effective in changing and improving student behavior. I can consequence a student with a sincere smile (because I care about them and it isn’t personal) and they know that I will hold them accountable. Every time. After a while, many students start to give a sincere apology when they earn a consequence and try to fix the behavior. Because of the consistency that Michael always writes about, students enjoy the class, work hard, and are well behaved.
Michael,
Just wanted to thank you for writing this blog and sharing your strategies. I bought one of your books and am glad I did. I am a first year teacher at a title I school in Arizona and you have helped me and my students so much.
The thing is – I’ve recently learned to accept that with some students whose lives at home involve hunger, neglect, and trauma … there’s only so much I can do to manage their ‘disrespectful’ or unengaged behavior at school.
I don’t know where I’m going with this or if I even have a question to ask. I figure from reading your articles I need to continue to rely on my classroom management plan, be consistent, and focus on creating an enjoyable classroom and lessons. Arizona is a difficult place to teach. I love how you put it – just showing up every day signifies strength.
Best,
Sam
Hi Sam,
You sound like me six years ago. I started my teaching career in a Title 1 school 30 minutes north of Phoenix. You’re right; Arizona is an incredibly difficult state in which to teach, and teaching is hard enough when you’re supported the way you should be, let alone when you’re in a state with horrible education legislation like AZ. You’re right in everything you write in your comment. There’s only so much you can do to help them with the issues they face outside of your classroom. You do need to be consistent, focused, and pleasant in class. You help those students more than you realize by being a constant presence and a reliable advocate in their lives that are full of chaos. Stay consistent, keep your classroom a safe place for them. That’s the best thing you can do.
I wanted to drop you a line of encouragement. I know exactly what you’re going through. You’re following Michael’s advice, so you’re on the right track. Keep “fighting the good fight” as it were.
All my best,
Jennifer
I’m glad SCM has been helpful, Sam. Although I’ve touched on the topic you’ve brought up in the past, I’ll be sure to revisit it in the future.
Great information and so on point. I am a new teacher and need to reasses my boundaries and have clarity when it comes to the rules I am implementing. Thank you for the article.
You’re welcome, Ivonne.
Thank you – including for the reminder that we are strong people as teachers. This is painful but spot on.
Thanks Matt!
Dear Michael Linsin
Valid points mentioned.
Thank you for sharing.
Regards
Joseph
You’re welcome, Joseph.
Whether students like or fear you is a question of balance. Over the years, I have learned that students can respect and like you while you are perceived as a no nonsense type of teacher. If you mean what you say and do as you say, you should have a fairly well-behaved class. Young children will stray from time to time fromthe classroom code, but once they hear your voice or a command, they will quickly follow expectations. This forum has taught me so much about classroom management and as a result, I am a better teacher. Thank you SO much!
Thank you for this article. I’ve been teaching for some years now, as a music specialist, and read your blog regularly. I find that I still struggle with defining the exact rules particularly when it comes to body language and facial expression. Looking bored can’t exactly be a violation but making rude faces definitely is. Is there any way to fully eliminate the great area in between? Or whispering to a neighbor vs making active eye contact with them? These gray areas still trip me up, and I find that most of my classes are great but there’s always a few kids in a class or two that find and exploit this weakness. I would love your advice around body language, specifically. Thanks!
Great article, Mike!
Diana, for what it’s worth, I personally find when setting expectations, it’s best to keep them simple and positively-focused (what you *do want*, not what you don’t want). If you don’t want them looking/pulling silly faces at each other, use an instruction like “Listen up and eyes on me”. When we say what we don’t want, we’re actually planting that idea in some of their heads (they are children, afterall). Using simple “black/white” instructions means the students know immediately what that looks like and you can sanction accordingly. Also, checking to see if they are actually looking at you is easily done as you address the class.
Disguard/use this as you see fit:-).
Thanks Dan!
Hi Diana,
Gray areas are the topic of next week’s article. Stay tuned.
This article is me. I am sad to admit this. After 10 years of this, it is still me. I have every excuse in the book. It’s the kids, it’s the administratio , it’s the parents……
I know the problem. Fixing it is the hard part. Howard
Me too Howard! I read these articles, and think “Yes, that is what I will do!” But when it come to it, I don’t. Or I can do it for a few lessons, then get a difficult one, or something bizarre happens and throws me off track. It is so frustrating!!! But I will keep trying, because I am strong (so Michael says…). Let’s keep trying together!
Thanks Michael for sharing this and many other thoughtful, insightful, and solution filled articles. I get the opportunity to visit many schools and classrooms and my heart goes out to all educators who chose this profession. The line in the article that really stood out to me was, “Just deciding to become a teacher and showing up every day is proof that you are strong.”
I want to echo what you wrote. EDUCATORS YOU ARE STRONG! Walk in your strength and continue to learn, apply, help one another, and ask for help too.
The challenges we see in our educational arenas are complex and multi faceted. They mirror and replicate our society. Don’t be too hard on yourself if you are struggling. EDUCATORS YOU ARE STRONG! Walk in your strength and continue to learn, apply, help one another, and ask for help too. Reading and implementing articles like this are so helpful. You are planting seeds that will blossom in their due time.
Thanks Anthony! I appreciate your wisdom and encouraging words for our readers.
I definitely need help sticking to my class rules. Namely Concentration Collaboration and Consideration 3 c’s of drama also! If students and teachers follow these class skills and rules the overall vibe in the class community should be one of respect and and kindness. I find that doing a bunch of classes of different grades way too challenging for class management. I’m exhausted despite having told the kids what the rules were… it makes me want to leave teaching altogether. Or teach older students or adults. I don’t need the stress…to me self directed students are the happiest. Teaching to a whole group always backfires and for me isn’t natural. But perhaps some more tips might help. I’d like to see someone come in and how they might manage my classes…
I have definitely had this issue of being a pushover in the past and I certainly can have momentary lapses, but I have been faithful about following through and enforcing rules quietly through your system of points and this has been one of my most enjoyable years of teaching out of 21 years!! Thank you for all of your help.
I’m so happy to hear it, Michelle! Congratulations!
As an adjunct college teacher what has been frustrating is NOT having the administration backing up one’s absence policies, grading policies., etc. The usual comeback from administrators is “it’s up to you” (in other words, you get to be the bad guy), or “such-n-such has been under family stress” (which means what? – am I supposed to give up on the boundaries outlined in the syllabus because life got tough for someone?). Then there are the accessibility issues – students arrive to class with administrative letters of how much more they will need than others, and yet there is no provision for my time or trouble. Sadly some accessibility students will endlessly take advantage of their special status to get things like makeup tests, time out of class, and extra attention. I am all for setting boundaries and being tough, but when students know the administration does not have your back … it makes an already difficult situation worse. Teachers think this is all about knowledge, passion, discovery, discipline, guidance, respect, sharing, even joy; administrators know it’s all about admission, retention and money.
I understand very much what you are saying.
Michael, I am not a pushover, and know my expectations. Students are informed of expectations and they are the same daily; but I noticed that all characteristics you listed were surprisingly true to my teaching at this time. One problem I feel the reason is that I do not have an appropriate, implementable consequence that counts for the students. So I can tell them the expectations, if they are doing a good job meeting them, or they are not meeting them, but the process slows down there. I am a job corps teacher and teaches math to 16-24 yrs. old. My class is a requirement for them to take until they reach 9 GL on the test, but reaching 9 GL is not a requirement for them to get a high school diploma or trade certification they came for. The typical process is to refer students to their counselor, and to my supervisor, for further counseling, followed by the write-up with a dollar fine, letter of apology, etc. Since five write-ups will kick students out of the program, we are encouraged not to write students up. And counselors and my supervisor are busy with their other duties and do not really want referrals on classroom management problems. This results in my telling some students repeating the expectations, like a broken records. What are the effective consequences high schools teacher use? Any advise will be appreciate it.
Yeah, no school I’ve ever worked at wants teachers to refer to admin/counseling as the first consequence. I’ve been using the advice on this site and the guide for secondary teachers with good success. I include a daily grade for “Listening and Participation”, just 3 points, to give students clear feedback that affects their grade. I also assign detentions during recess, lunch or after school on days when I am willing to oversee said detentions. Detentions are awesome because I have time to tutor and bond with problem kids. I also call home about repeat problems, or if students fail to show up to detention. You might be surprised how effective detentions are even in high school, though you and I know that it relies on the student following through. My older students definitely respond to the threat that if they don’t show up then they are escalating the consequence to Admin (a referral in your case). This is a life skill – take care of your responsibilities when you make a mistake, or face the natural consequences (referrals, being asked to leave the program). If you present this clearly and dispassionately they will understand that it’s on them, and that the consequence for disrupting everyone’s learning is to be asked to leave. That makes sense. And from Admin’s standpoint you’ve clearly followed a progression that justifies their involvement by the time you reach it. If you’re trying to roll this out mid-year you need to think about when the escalation reaches Admin, because you will definitely be tested.
Hi Hanayo,
I recommend the high school management plan e-guide that you can along the lower sidebar.
I find that when parents are disrespectful to their children’s teachers, their children are disrespectful as well.
Hi Mr. L,
Thanks so much for your awesome website. Your emails are the only ones I purposely subscribed to and actually open each week!!
A few ideas that have been germinating in my mind, and I would be really interested to hear your thoughts about.
1. What are your thoughts about the alarmingly common ADHD diagnoses in elementary school boys, and what tips do you have for “roping” these kids in effectively?
2. Have you ever heard of the PAX behavior management system? If so, would you recommend it?
3. How can I help promote organization within my classroom of fourth grade boys who have no concept of executive function skills?
I am looking forward to hearing your insights!
Mrs. T
I strive to be consistent, and I think I do quite well at it. As a result, two of my students frequently get to the “note home” level of the classroom management system. One of the mothers takes it well, and the other mother accuses me of “picking on her child” and contacts the principal. This child is out of control daily. While a sub was there a couple of days ago, this child attempted to stab another child with scissors. I referred to his incident to the principal, but he is very light on discipline, so I suspect nothing will happen. It can be a real challenge to be “powerless,” but I keep plugging along and keep going back, like others have said.
I teach music and am embarrassed to say that I am a pushover. ): Better classroom management seems to be my goal EVERY YEAR, as well as organizing my lessons better. I just bought your book Classroom Management for Art, Music and PE Teachers and will be reading it this summer. Hoping to make some big changes next year.
You can do it, Monica! The book will definitely lay it all out for you. 🙂