This third and final part of this series is about communicating with difficult students in a way that will compel them to behave the way you want them to.
But I must warn you. It’s going to be different than you’re used to and may take time to develop the discipline to overcome old habits.
The benefits, however, can be life changing for difficult students.
There are two mistakes teachers make when communicating with difficult students. Both are counterproductive.
(1) Reacting in frustration
In dealing with difficult students, teachers become frustrated and react by scolding, yelling, and threatening.
True, these methods may suppress behavior in the short term, but they do nothing to improve behavior over time. In fact, they can cause an increase in misbehavior.
The reason is simple—and obvious if anyone has ever spoken to you this way.
It causes students to dislike you.
And once this happens, you’re done. You can’t help them. A bad relationship will sever any influence you had, or hope to have, with a difficult student.
(2) Overpraising
When difficult students do something correctly, teachers tend to praise too much or too demonstratively. They hug, cheer, high-five, celebrate, and give rewards and prizes—often for expected behavior.
This sends the wrong message.
Like behavior contracts, it communicates to difficult students that they can’t control themselves like everyone else and therefore need special attention from the teacher.
If you treat them like it’s an accomplishment not to be a disruption, then you’re setting the behavior bar for them spectacularly low. One sure way to make difficult students stay difficult is to make a big deal out of expected behavior.
Influence
Your goal with difficult students should be to build influence with them. When a student likes and trusts you, they’ll want to behave in a way that pleases you.
It’s a simple idea, yet it eludes so many.
Follow these guidelines to build a level of influence that will make difficult students want to behave.
Leave them alone.
Most difficult students get way too much attention from teachers—often for years. Be the first to cut them off. The lectures, reminders, pep talks, and endless warnings have got to go.
A good rule of thumb is to not spend any more time on them than the rest of your students.
Let your consequences do their job and give these difficult students a chance to become regular members of your classroom—and not the outcasts that constant attention can make them feel.
Don’t cause friction.
Have you ever had the feeling that some students are trying to get under your skin or trying to exact revenge?
Well they are.
The fact is, most difficult students don’t like their teacher. If a student dislikes you, you’ll have an uphill battle getting him or her to behave. Every time you scold or berate a student, you drop further away from changing behavior.
Note: holding students accountable doesn’t cause them to dislike you, reacting in frustration does.
Develop a friendly relationship.
Having a friendly connection with difficult students is an easy way to create leverage with them. If they like you, you have powerful influence on their behavior.
When you get to know someone on a personal (ergo influential) level, you discover their positive qualities and they discover yours. So when you speak to difficult students, avoid talking about behavior issues.
Instead, talk about your common interests and work on getting to know them without strings attached; get to know them for the sake of getting to know them.
Have some fun.
It’s a myth that having fun somehow causes students to misbehave. The opposite is true. When you’re tight and serious, you’re less likable, the class is boring, and your students are more apt to act out.
This is particularly true of difficult students.
So have fun as a class and allow your difficult student(s) to experience the feeling of being part of it. Give them a chance to love school for once—few of them do. It’s a powerful motivator to behave.
The Bottom Line
If these guidelines sound simple, you’re right. They are.
You don’t have to lecture difficult students. You don’t have to beg, plead, or convince them to behave. You don’t have to be a psychologist or a Harvard debating champion. You don’t have to prove your point, explain yourself, argue, prod, persuade or manipulate.
You don’t even have to spend much time with them.
The bottom line is this:
If you build influence with difficult students, and you’re committed to holding them accountable when they misbehave, you can completely and unalterably turn them around.
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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
Dear Michael,
Sorry if this turns out to be too long to print,but I wanted to explain fully why your website and the article on time outs and dealing with disruptive students are so useful.
I am an American who lives outside of the US. After teaching ESL to adults for 10 years I am transitioning to grammar school teaching. While taking my teacher’s certification I work part-time and have just begun teaching a two hour per week English class in a special program for 8th graders. The program consists of six 8th graders who have not attended school for up to a year, because they have behavior problems coupled with other issues like: dyslexia, adhd, dysphasia etc… . The goal of this program is to get them ready for exit exams held at the end of 9th grade.
The class has not gotten off to a good start for several reasons. First, not everyone began at the same time, so they have settled in by drips and drabs. Next, it is very difficult to figure out whether a student is “acting out” because of organic/emotional issues, or just because it is cool to challenge the teacher. Then, I must figure out the best way to give them material that fits their particular learning style. And finally, one big mistake I made the very first day was letting students do group work. My thinking was that the students would feel more comfortable doing group work since they had not been in class for quite awhile. But grouping them gave the most disruptive (a young man similar to the disruptive “Anthony” in your article “How to Love Unlikable Students” except this student is ill, not underprivileged) a chance to encourage them to goof around and collectively ignore the work for various reasons (lack of interest, lack of understanding, lack of ability.)
Since then, and in recognition that each student is at a very different level of English and behavior, I have reversed my initial curriculum about 90% and now each student has his/her own curriculum to follow. Each will get three 20 minute lessons, with a 5-10 minute break in between each. I have seated them at their own desks, which has posed a challenge for the most disruptive, and for them even in this short period of time there is plenty of opportunity for disruptive behavior.
After several incidents of student rants and raves about this and that, the staff met and agreed to implement a “time out” policy for disruptive students or students who felt they could not participate in the class assignment. Thus, finding your article(s) just after we have agreed to implement the time out is timely and will be quite helpful in continuing and deepening the discussion on using time outs and other methods of behavior modification in a consistent manner. Thank you and your reader’s comments for your succinct and helpful insights.
Michael, I teach in Australia.I am an art teacher. I have recently noticed that my older students are getting the better of me. I see this particular class for 1 hr per week , last hour. These students are 11 and 12 yrs of age and there are at least 7 difficult students in a class of 30.These student come to me after an Italian class which they don’t enjoy and it seems that I am getting the brunt of their unhappiness. What should I do? I have started doing all the wrongs things purely out of frustration.
Hi Cheryl,
Everything you need to do you can find on this website! I don’t have any doubts about that. However, there are a ton of articles, and it’s hard to know where to start. I recommend starting in the rules & consequences category and then going from there. Also, Check out the article The 9 Biggest Classroom Management Mistakes Teachers Make. That your difficult students come from a class they don’t enjoy can be an advantage for you if they like coming to your class. This gives you added leverage, making your classroom management plan exponentially effective. But you have to have a solid plan and you have to stop doing the wrong things.
Michael
I am loving all of these articles! I am a new teacher and have found all of this super useful. I teach in a low income school and I knew that I was starting to do a lot of “wrong” things in trying to deal with difficult students. I just didn’t know how to turn it around. Now, I have many new ideas. Thanks!
Great Julia!
Hope you become a regular reader.
Michael